Reviews for The Hero's Tears - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Hero's Tears - Reviews: Page 1 of 6

concerto49 2008-01-27 ch 1,	Yes, perhaps the chapter title doesn't fit as much. Realistically, and maybe if done proper - each chapter should have something dedicated to it, and hence a in-relation-title, but it doesn't always work out too perfectly. What did the first bit about him waking up have to do with the plot? It said he woke up and he was sleepy and tired or something or rather and perhaps it showed a bit about his personality at best, but it didn't do anything except he woke up, went to the grounds and that's it. Next bit - well why was there a line break? Looks like same scene, follows on, maybe a bit in time (like very little), but you used words to explain it anyway. Don't describe things or introduce them until you need them - not when they come up. It just gets in the way. Okay, opening - you're meant to introduce enough for the reader to hold. What is there? Samurai, two characters, some place, but nothing happened. If you were to talk about samurai and perhaps action/fights - at least introduce something early on. You're meant to show what the audience should expect. Plotwise nothing is shown too - except the bit about rising in rank - should show why and a bit of feeling as to what they would be fighting for and the reasons to it. It ended up with most of it just arguing about their attire over dress and skirt and something else, which steered the whole anyway. Yes, it's realistic in that it happens, but a story is just meant to capture the essence.
FreakierThanThou 2007-12-13 ch 58,	Really, really sorry I haven't had time to review for such a long time, I've been completely swamped. "this outburst by Kenji" That wasn't much of an outburst, I don't think. "Either except agreement in the terms I have listed or leave." Accept. "That's what she said." Ha! Brilliant, love the comic relief addition there. Kenji rocks. This was a great ending, I liked Richta doing a bit of a recap of their emotional journeys. He's right, they've changed a lot, and it was a great idea to write his views on the pasts and futures of the characters. What's interesting about this, is that even though there wasn't complete closure (we don't know what Kenji and Mitzuki will do with their lives, how Sixer will manage, who the Yazuka will elect as their new chief) it's still an ending without any loose ends. I'm not sure how you did it, but it still seems like things are going to be okay for the characters. Not normal, not boring, but definitly okay. Richta was right. "They'll make it alright." Keep writing, -Fran
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-30 ch 56,	"Hitokiri got cut that wasn't very deep before he finally pulled away." The cut 'that wasn't very deep' sounds like an odd way of phrasing it. It sort of takes away from the drama of the fight scene. Maybe call it a 'shallow' cut, or something like that? Or rearrange a little, "the cut Hitokiri got wasn't very deep," something like that. I don't know. "I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that I did what I thought was right." That's a great closing line for Hitokiri. It doesn't insist that everything he's done in the course of the story was right, but it does say that he thought it was, and that's all he really wanted. It's perfect, don't change a thing about that part. I wouldn't have thought you'd have killed Hitokiri, that was a surprising twist. But I like it, it makes sense with the way you've written the story so far, and it gives a good sense of... closure, I guess. I think this is the only way the story can ever really be 'over,' if Hito is dead. Of course, the other characters' stories aren't just going to stop, but it makes sense to kill him. Keep writing, -Freaky P.S. Just noticed, he's not dead yet! Now I really want to know what you're going to do next.
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-22 ch 55,	"he realized which was Chief Karl must have gone by the last man's information." That's kind of a confusing sentence, I had to reread it several times before I figured it out. "You're just now figuring this out?" Sixer asked. "God, I thought you were the smart one." Can't help but agree with him there, I thought Kenji already knew. Building up some suspense, huh? I like Hitokiri's sudden change, and how Karl is making him reexamine what he's doing to get to him. It's interesting. Keep writing, -Fran
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-22 ch 54,	"Not only was it rather boring there, but they also had to keep watch. So not only were they bored, they were constantly on watch as well." Okay, that was just a little redundant. It it was boring, then they're probably bored, if they were on watch, then they were probably keeping watch. I liked the first conversation between Kenji and Mitzuki, and the scene with the Izarakis. "Scarecrow here and I." Again? That was pretty funny. It was really nice also, how Izaraki Sr. wouldn't kill Sixer. Uh-oh, Kenji. He's in trouble now. I liked his last words to Kieran, and how he had to use Kieran's strength against him. Cool. Keep writing, -Fran
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-22 ch 53,	I don't think it was weird, but I wouldn't really describe it as cute, either. Don't get me wrong, it was a great moment, but after a character dies, not much that happens to their love life can be considered 'cute'. :) In all seriousness, though, it was good. Happy Thanksgiving, by the way. I don't know where you are or if you celebrate it, but you should still have a happy one. Really awesome way to get rid of L.C, he deserved it. And I like his weapon, that was a cool idea. Keep writing, -Fran
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-22 ch 52,	I'm really sorry it took so long for me to review, I've been ridiculously busy lately. Anyway, great chapter, I really liked it. Didn't see any misspellings or grammatical errors. The parts about good and evil were really nice, I like that idea a lot. And Kenji was really funny in this chapter. "Scarecrow and I." Totally didn't see that one coming, good job. Keep writing, -Fran
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-13 ch 51,	Hitokiri's weird. Or I just don't get it. Aww, how cute. I'm glad that they had a good reunion, Sixer turned out to be really cool. Too bad the bad guys got away. So far. Keep writing, -Freaky
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-13 ch 50,	Kieran's scary. He really is. And he hurt Kenji! Aww, poor little Kenji! :( Yeah, I like him. Keep writing, -Freaky
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-13 ch 49,	"Mitzuki," Hitokiri said. "I have never been so happy to see you! Kenji...well I've never been happy to see you, but I am now." That was a great line! And Sixer said 'crud'? That's positively polite, for him! Kenji, Mitzuki, and Scarecrow have gotten really good! I wonder if they realized Hito and Sixer would be there... They're cool. Keep writing, -Freaky
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-13 ch 48,	Oh, I vote for the final battle to be between Sixer and Hitokiri, and for Sixer and Mitzuki to have a happy reunion, after some conflict. Aww, how cute! Hanako reminds Sixer of Mitzuki. Okay, you said that last time, but it didn't register. "It happend like this:" Happened. I don't like the dialogue between Karl and LC right after that typo I mentioned. You say 'said' way too many times, and 'said back to him' twice in a row. Sixer's very calm about all this. Then again, when isn't he? Keep writing, -Freaky
FreakierThanThou 2007-11-13 ch 47,	"Not Alexlander." Alexlander is a cool name, but you called him Alexander earlier. Sorry I haven't been keeping up, I've been really busy. And you're updating really fast! I like Gray Blade, he's cool, even though he's a Yazuka without an excuse. Keep writing, Freaky
Mynameishotrod 2007-11-12 ch 49,	1. Yes 2. Hitokiri 3. Kenji vs. Hitokiri.
FreakierThanThou 2007-09-08 ch 46,	"the other too..." Two. "...young boys lives..." I'm pretty sure it's boys'. WOAH! So Sixer's Mitzuki's father? That's weird. Such a twist, I totally didn't see that coming. And she doesn't seem to have recognized him... I wonder if he knows it's her. He'd recognize the name, of course, but would he be sure? Overall a great chapter, and, if it must be, a great finale. Keep writing, -Freaky
FreakierThanThou 2007-09-01 ch 45,	Oh, man. How's he going to get out of this one? I like this twist, it looks like it's throwing a wrench in their plans. Except Sixer, as usual, doesn't seem fazed. "Sixer suddenly took a right turn, suddenly." So, Sixer get you a job at the Department of Redundancy Department? ""Yep." he thought."Just like High School." I don't know if you need thought to be in quotes and italics, but the quote before "Just" needs a space after "thought." "What a pompous ." Most of them were thinking. I think you need a comma after . Make it one sentence? "What a pompous **," most of them were thinking. Sorry, I nitpick. Anyway, loved the beginning. "What's the worst that could happen to me?" That's a question you never really want to be answered honestly. Really funny opening scene. Keep writing, -Freaky

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