FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| And then it's gone 2006-10-11 ch 1,  | abuseTo be quite honest, I don't like the rhyming. Your use of words is admirable, but the rhyming couplets just don't fit with the piece. I love some of your other pieces, but you seem to have been determined to make this rhyme. I think it may have been better had you decided not to use the couplet format. I do like your use of words. Your choices and placements of words are impeccable. Well done on that account. |
| Marguerite Mayfair 2006-10-03 ch 1, | abuseHmm...interesting. I like how you've presented this, both visually and verbally, to sort of flesh out your title. It worked out well, though there is one line that sort of bugs me: "The days thus fade like tales of lore." Personally, I would change the word 'lore' into 'yore,' as "tales of lore" is somewhat redundant and doesn't quite make as much sense - it's like saying "legends of myths" or "novels of stories." Of course, this is only my opinion. Overall, it was a good read, and I enjoyed it. |