aw, a happy ending! saddness lurks in this piece but over all it seems so happy.

Yay! I love this final version. The writing is much better and I love it still! Lol.

-Kiwi-

Wow! I like this. Savin' Me is one of my favorite songs. I love it. And I love what you did with it. Wonderful. Depressing, but wonderful

-Kiwi-

Hey pretty good. I love this song too. Good efforts. I've never written a song fic before so I don't know HOW it's meant to be done. _ maybe I should write one sometime...

Good luck!

Derek.

This is so good..It really got to me and left me in tears. I feel like i can almost relate to it and that means your an excellent writer. I'd like to thank you for your review on my "Delirium" story it was very much appreciated. I wish I could capture an audience as well as you have. I would like to see some more of your work up on here so that you can share some of that beautiful talent that you have. Hope to hear from you EMMIE

Looks like I'm here again. Anyway, good job improving from the first version. Its good to see. Now, there were a few things you can still improve on though.

First, when telling a characters thoughts you should put it in italics without quotation marks.

Second, you should start a new paragraph every time someone knew speaks. Like this:

"Nickel and back," said some guy.

"That's Nickelback!" bellowed Chad furiously.

Also note that you have to have punctuation at the end of a sentence of dialogue. It can be commas, periods, question marks, or exclaimation points. Its usually not a period, unless the narration after dialogue is a completely new sentence. Here's an example.

"Music is awesome." Turning up his radio, Chad began singing the hit song Savin' Me.

In the paragraph, 'Turning' started a new sentence, so a period was ok. That doesn't work with lines like this:

"Music is awesome," said Chad, turning up his radio and singing the hit song Savin' Me.

When you have something like 'said Chad' then its a continuation of the dialogue. Then you can't use periods.

Hope that helps.

Good luck and keep improving.

Dice

Wow. This was really good. I really like it. Tehe. -

-Kiwi-

Well maybe that is what you think but this here is my first... so maybe a little help is needed...

I like this song. I actually played it as I read. It was cool. Now you do have a few problems. You really don't have much narration... or even punctuation. You should try to have whole paragraphs of description between dialogue (or the song, in this case). Also, add punctuation at the end of your sentences.

Try to describe the area that the characters are in. Was it nighttime? Sunny? Cloudy? Rainy? Also, try to describe the characters themselves. What color is their eyes, what style of clothes and hair. Is there any scars or birthmarks? Are they tall or short?

You've probably seen that type of writing on this site, so just try what you see others doing. I've never written a songfic, but others use music in their stories. They usually center the lyrics down the middle of the page, while aligning the narration and dialogue to the left.

I hope that helps. Good luck with your writing.

Snake Eyes of aka Meteor-Infinity

This sucks... Just KiddingI liked the story, but I just couldn't get into the song. Every thing else was good, grammer and overall flow of the story was there. Hope the next one is good.