FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| anymysteryleft 2008-06-08 ch 1,  | abuseThe whole piece felt very tight, without much straying. You seem to have a fondness for elaboration, and it's done skillfully. A couple of typos (such as "awkardly" and "such much" as if you couldn't decide which one to use), but they are understandable and don't detract the charm from the main story at all. As Panchromatic has already noted, the last two lines really bring the piece together. Really enjoyed it. Great work. |
| Panchromatic 2008-05-30 ch 1, | abuseohmygoodness the last two lines were amazing. They said everything. The description and internalizing throughout were very good--I really understood the two characters. great stuff. |