Baseball2horse
2006-10-07
ch 2,   | Interesting story but there's WAY to much randomness in the authors note. Normally authors note help you to better understand the story but your's just kind ramble on and on and you story is a little like that to. In the first paragraph it was very rambly and long and had all most no plot. The rest of the story was very good, but when people read such a rambly begging there not going read the rest, when in fact all the following paragraphs were very good. I think the story is very good and very cool, but you might want say they're not on earth (if that is the case, but she has to go down to earth so I don't see how it be) because that would give the reader a much better understanding of the story.:) and contiue |
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