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| persephone in waiting 2008-03-27 ch 1, | abuseYour poetry is phenomenal. You have such a way with words that exceeds the work of many, if not most of the writers on this website. I hope you continue to write, and never sacrifice your talent, for such talent wastes and withers when untouched, unused. |
| Edgar Wellington 2007-09-11 ch 1, | abuseThis is certainly edgy and powerful. It's nice to see. I like the way you wove inter-generational involvement into the poem. This cleverly supports the longer term effect of the crime, and it sets up the wider cultural and historical effect. Which is that people, in the guise of the church, will oppress other people for their own gratification. I had some trouble with this stanza: My adulthood trestled like golden fleeces where infinity is inevitable - but I have no faith in this species, or in faith where the disease feasters. you are loose with vocabulary here, e.g. trestled and feasters (did you mean festers?), and there seems to be a word order issue "or in faith.."? I am not usually this picky, though I am getting worse as I read and think more about poetry, but somehow this stanza intrigued me (maybe because it seems to offer some kind of resolution) and so I looked more closely at it. |
| FIREBRAVE 2007-07-25 ch 1, | abuseI really am sorry you feal this way. I am a Christian--but I do believe that all people are equal. The lines:I would make love to the devil before I turned myself to float away on that other tide. Seemed a little intense--you really mean it!!?? You would give up life for DEATH!? God bless, FIREBRAVE |
| Around.about 2007-06-20 ch 1, | abuseVicious perfectly vicious. It dragged a little at the beggining, but after awhile the pain and anger was on the verge of pitting in my face. Beautiful and painful. I couldn't expect better. |
| thursdays and rain 2007-03-10 ch 1, | abusethe holiest woman in the world is maria.. she is your mother.. hope that helps.. |
| o maneku ni suru 2007-02-23 ch 1, | abuseWow is an understatement for this work . . . Anger weeps from this poem's pores. It is definitely . . . oozing emotion and graphics that spring at you. My favorite line was at the very bottom, "Walk the halls of heaven as a black-widow-madonna." I can't offer anyway to improve on this, because I think it a great piece. Bravo, keep up the work! |
| Faye Coon 2006-12-21 ch 1, | abuseWo! You are so FRIKIN creative! I love it! I cant believe people can posess such creative energy! Oh! We must network imediately! 'My adulthood trestled Like golden fleeces Where infinity is inevitable But I have no faith in this species Or in faith where the disease Feasters' Amazing - you have an uncanny ability to express in so few words, yet not neccesarily overwhelming as can sometimes happen. You are doing it well Bebe... share the art - share the love... wont you? -_- ^0^ ah la la! Your work makes me happy! -Faye Coon |
| Ashes.to.Acid 2006-12-08 ch 1, | abuseThe people that you speak of in this poem are exactly the kind that I find to be the disgraces to everything Christianity stands for. As one of the reviewers said before me, your anger and emotion directed here are not overbearing...I see it as rather a bold stance against something that you believe strongly in. I can hardly find the words to say that describe how I feel about this piece. My favorite part, though, is the very last line: "Mother. Mother. Women created sin. They created vengeance as well." It leaves room for suspense and bitterness, as if there's more to come, whether it'll be from your words or our imaginations. |
| KonekOniko 2006-12-05 ch 1, | abuseHow true. All Catholic school kids talk about this, when they get old enough to understand it, of course. I do enjoy a lot of the imagery in this piece, it brought about the ending very nicely. Controversy makes the best palette for poetry, don't you think so? Until next time~ |
| Peach Rose Orchid 2006-12-03 ch 1, | abuseViciously brilliant. |
| Lifeless Prophet 2006-11-28 ch 1, | abuseSpeechless... something like a dream on paper. something like a soul in person. Powerful and... and I have run out of words. Addicting... |
| Gilee7 2006-11-24 ch 1, | abuseThe first time I read this poem I wasn't too impressed. It seemed too bitter, too scathing; like a person who's so angry and ** off that he/she can't even form a whole sentence, instead just speaking in short and random bursts of nonsense, his/her face red, eyebrows furrowed. Eventually that person just gives up and stomps away in frustration. But then I read this poem again, and though the anger and hate and bitterness in your voice is still incredibly strong, it isn't overbearing like I thought it was originally. Instead, your intense emotions fit the tone of the poem. The whole thing is very vengeful, just like it should be, especially considering the final line about women creating vengeance. "There ain't no fury like a woman scorned." [I hope / that in / your asinine displacement] "Asinine" is such an awesome word. I often commend your word choices, but I just think you have an awesome vocabulary. You always know the perfect word to use. [dead / but living / in the Sunday paper / where your name / explodes across my fingers, / spilling my black coffee / drenching my mind / in your pedophilia.] I love these lines, especially the image of you reading the newspaper, underlining the words with your finger, and then seeing a certain article and spilling your coffee in shock. Before I read this poem, I figured you were just attacking all the priests who have molested little boys; attacking them as a whole. But instead I get the feeling that this poem is singling out a certain person; or at least that's the way your words come across. You still attack the overall group, but it's as if your hate is fueled by one particular person. And it even seems like it's somebody in your own blood line. Or maybe I'm being too literal with the grandfather-cousin stuff. [Remember, daughter / you’ll say: I ** your / father when he was still a boy, / I made him the way that he is, / inevitably, invariably, unmistakably / shaping you / while inside your / mothers womb, the hands / that caressed / your mother, / the ** / that folds / the canvas / of your / religion.] God, this is so twisted. It's genius, though. I absolutely love it, especially "the ** that folds the canvas of your religion" part. Very powerful. [Or the boys who’s hand carved] Shouldn't this be "whose?" I get confused about when to use "whose" or "who's." [inside / the sunflower yellow / glow of 1976] This is so perfect. Anytime a movie flashes back to the seventies, it always seems to have a yellowish tint to it, doesn't it? And that's kinda how I picture the seventies in my mind. I think of flowers and the color yellow (along with pot and bell-bottoms). [like my black eyes / or my grandmother / slapping me / that I should think / evil of you.] This reminds me so much of these lines from thirsting: "Born knowing all of the things we / need to know, before it’s taught out of us, / beaten out of us, / before we drown in / embarrassment / & / exhaustion / & / anxiety." [You. / U. / In my sick-small way / vicariously / ** over by you.] I like the repitition of "you." [Isn’t it just like / Jesus to have his virgin / disciples introducing sexuality / to children like ** stars?] Very powerful lines. And again you show your fearlessness. You don't care if you stir up controversy or step on any toes. You're not going to sugarcoat anything you have to say for fear of offending someone, and I think that's the way it should be. Artists/writers can't be afraid of representing the truth just because it might offend people. Writers can't worry about what other people think or what other people will say. That's not our job. [or your hands in the bones / of my hands, reading, and then / writing about them] I really like this. The whole idea of the 'sins of our fathers.' It's very scary, very haunting. Especially because children often (if not always) have to pay the price for their parents' mistakes. It isn't fair, but that's the way life is. But what you've written here seems even more scary. [Little girl crying, walking home across the frost / of your fat upper lip.] That's one hell of a line/image. [my father / in his dying light / chocking to death / on the fright,] *choking* [or in faith where the disease / feasters] I think you meant "festers." [I would make love to the devil / before I turned myself to float away / on that other tide] Great lines. Very powerful and bitter. It's like when the (ex-)girlfriend gets back at her (ex-)boyfriend by sleeping with his best friend. Only here it's like your ex-boyfriend is God, and the Devil is the last person God would want to see you "making love" to. That's the most spiteful, vengeful thing you could do to Him. [(If I could kiss the Holy lips of God, I would fill my mouth with poison. Wear death on my lips like a gloss. Walk the halls of heaven as a black-widow-madonna. Mother. Mother. Women created sin. They created vengeance as well.)] It's interesting that you bunched this all together and put it in italics. It's as if the poem has two endings. But wow, this part here is so freaking bitter. The part about filling your mouth with poison and then kissing the "holy lips" of God is the most powerful line in this entire poem, and trust me, this poem was chock full of powerful lines. "They created vengeance as well" is the perfect ending. It sums up your overall stance. You seem to attack three separate things here (and that just made me think of the Holy Trinity). You attack your ancestors for the sins they committed and that you still have to deal with today, even though they're dead and gone. You attack religion ... well, I take that back- You don't attack religion here. It's more like you attack the hypocrites that are SUPPOSED be religious. You attack the pedophile priests that we see in the news every goddamn day. And then in the last few stanzas of the poem you seem to shift your vengeance toward the Big Daddy of it all: God Himself. You actually remind me of a suicide bomber toward the end of the poem, sacrificing your body and soul so that you may take out your vengeance on Everyone that you feel deserves it. Another powerful, amazing poem, Juliet. I think you may be the boldest writer I know. Write on! |
| Brittany Macabre 2006-11-19 ch 1, | abuseI really hate leaving reviews like this. You know, the kind that say nothing more than "Your work is great! Keep it up" However, I feel that I am currently at a loss for negative words after reading this. Perhaps I should mull if over, come back later and pick at anything that I can find wrong with this, just to give you some form of constrictive critisism. But I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to say that I read your poem, and was completely astonished. Great job. I hope to read more of your work in the future. |
| alice is dying 2006-11-11 ch 1, | abuseOh dear. Powerful-this was too ** powerful and just /sick/ in a way that is udeniably true. The way you write, darling, with sex overflowing from your work (sexy sexist remarks casually thrown over your shoulder) is addictive and much more satisfying than that last piece of chocolate in the Valentine's box. So intense, just SO intense, I felt like someone was standing over me with a gun and if I kept reading, if I finished, then I was finished too, but I was so mesmerized that I almost wanted to die (it would be worth it). Does that make sense? Can you possibly understand and appreciate the effect your writing has? It is an aphrodisiac, a needle full of heroin, a joint laced with coke, a chocolate covered strawberry dangled forever out of reach. You are simply amazing. "Women created sin. They created vengeance as well." -one line, just the act of picking out this one line defiles the thing but I can't help my self-perfect. love all the ideas and statements. Loved the way this flowed. You took pedophilia and made it gorgeous while at the same time throwing it and it's evil in our faces. ♥ Alice |
| cold white submission 2006-11-08 ch 1, | abuseThat was scary. |