The concept of this and the overall feel of this is great. I feel like it's a little rough around the edges-like the language transitions could be more smooth-but as I said, overall this quite a profound piece.

oh, thats sad.

makes me tearful.

cos i wish i had a guy,

that thought of me like that.

haha.

this is magical and true.

totally added to ny fav's.

this is great.

keep writing,

you have skills.

liz

*hugs*

Well done, sir, and good luck.

For such a simple poem, you managed to touch me.

There is nothing wrong with this poem. It's quite good. I just feel that it lacks that indefineable something that makes your work really special(at least, what I see in your work). Maybe the list aspect limits it or even defines it in such a way as to overshadow your creative sparkle. Honestly, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just me, right now, at this point in time. I can tell you, though, I always look forward to the "Alerts" for Bronzeage.