FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Flore Verde 2007-07-16 ch 1,   | Oh snap! Major slap to the face! Maybelater:1 Loser guy:0 Never quit!! |
| Sarrrawr 2007-06-19 ch 1, | I really like all your poems. They all give a great sense of emotion and not just this lifeless string of words. You're probably one of the better writers that I've read the works of on here. |
| Alex 2006-12-03 ch 1, | Great Poem, and a song Definitley could arouse from this. I share adrians thoughts on the repition of yours, but again like he said, sometimes its just all you got. I can definitley feel where your coming from with this piece, so i just thought i'd post some kudos. Keep up the great writing. - Zvaniga |
| Cait Street 2006-10-20 ch 1, | Wow, this could be a song. Me likes!!Very nice job!! |
| Midnight Star Lights 2006-10-18 ch 1, | OMG! I love this. I say keep on writing. HUGS |
| Adrian Davies 2006-10-12 ch 1, | It's pretty good! Some criticisms: rhyming the same word with itself (i.e., "yours") isn't really a good technique to use. In some cases, I know it really is the only option you have. Just pointing that out though. This is an awfully angsty piece! The swearing certainly helps drive this point home. Just remember, you can get your idea across without resorting to swearing, because I noticed this piece didn't really warrant THAT much cursing. Again, I realize that sometimes it is a necessity for the mood of the work. Lastly, while it's nice that you've employed a rhyming scheme, try to experiment with some more unorthodox layouts. The "A, A, B, B" scheme is very basic, and very good for people just starting to use rhyming schemes. Keep up with the writing! :D |
| BrokenandBeautiful 2006-10-11 ch 1, | OMG! ANOTHER AMAZING ONE. I dont really get it, but i dont think i need to! ITS AMAZING AND I LOVE IT! ...(just once more) AMAZING! |
| Blind Destruction 2006-10-10 ch 1, | Nice. The rhyming is good. Sounds like it could be turned into a song. I like the hell reference. Good work. |
| thisfrozensilence 2006-10-10 ch 1, | wow... This is so great; the description was very detailed, and I could feel your anger, almost as if I was feeling it myself. This is really well done :) |