 His Mercy's Waiting 2007-04-23 . chapter 1Aww, that's so sad and sweet. I love these lines:
"Three words like lies.
Left on your doorstep unnoticed."
It paints such a vivid picture in my mind. Lovely poem! :)
Keep writing!! |
 simpleplan13 2006-12-01 . chapter 1aw... very sweet and beautifully done |
 who-draws-the-line 2006-10-23 . chapter 1thank you for your review. i like this poem a lot, i think because i can relate to it so well. keep them coming! |
 Kalopsia 2006-10-22 . chapter 1id say keep the last i love you in there...its like you're saying it one last time and it's still not being accepted and you're just putting it there with lasting hope |
 aknightsgoldenrose 2006-10-20 . chapter 1I think the poem is perfect the way it is. The last line ties everything together very nicely and I think its a fitting end. Beautiful writing. |
 Midnight Star Lights 2006-10-20 . chapter 1I love the poem. It is so sweet.. awe..
WINKS |
 Elphie Thropp 2006-10-20 . chapter 1I like this. A lot. I can definitely relate to it.
I also think the last line is a nice finishing touch. It is obvious that those are the "three words" mentioned in the play, but I think it adds a nice, contemplative ending (I don't know if that's what was intended, but that's what it seems like to me).
Great job! |
 Frog Tongue 2006-10-19 . chapter 1Oh my. It's gorgeously wonderful. I really like it. The words conveyed such a strong message. |
 Talhiri Serrano 2006-10-19 . chapter 1Very beautifully written. As for the last line, it goes eitehr way. I can read from the poem what it's about and its strong enough without the last part.
But repeating it, makes it all the more stronger, and reminds the reader what this entire piece of art is.
I think you should leave it in there. For myself, I love puting in ~Quote~ whenever I write something like that, make a trademark symbol that you decide to use could be placed in there and italics.
This is just the thing I do, not saying that you "have" to do this, its honestly up to you.
But its still great either way. |
 Arcane D. 2006-10-19 . chapter 1Quite some usage of analogies there. There are some lines I am peeved about, but overall, I must be quite praising. Plus, you updated!! I'm looking forward to your next update. - ADD-san |
 Dying Rose 2006-10-18 . chapter 1Gorgeous poem. I prefer the last line left like it is: the rest of the poem simply hints at what you want to say, the last line clarifies in a short, piercing, slap-in-the-face kind of clarity. There's a lot of pain and something of resentment, perhaps a bit of regret, in this poem. It's very well written. Keep up the good work! |
 The Postscript 2006-10-17 . chapter 1Great poem that faces difficult emotion in more than one sense. I do not like the last line added, however. Throughout the poem you refer to "three words" consistantly. You should put more faith in the clarity of your work and the gentleness in which you place each word just so, so that simplicity has a dream-like ability to battle a complex situation in life. "In the end, it will never reach you,/and I remember the reasons why." reminds me of The Count of Monte Cristo and his line about how there is always somethin behyond suffering. Amazing work. Keep writing, s. |
 sunday night sky 2006-10-13 . chapter 1ooh its a tricky one. i cant tell if i like the last line or not :S hmm... leave it there, i think it works. beautiful work :D and glad to see u back! |
 Princess-anna57 2006-10-13 . chapter 1I like! ^_^ I don't think the last line fits, unless you had it in italics or something to give it an effect that's better fitting. Oh well! ^_^ Great job, write on!
~Anna~ ^_^ |