FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Lynaeve 2006-10-17 ch 1,  | abuseThis is a very nice poem. I liked the animal/jewel connections that you made. They were very fitting of the jewels themselves. You have some very nice images and lines. There was one line, though, that I thought didn't work as well as it should. "Sapphire gemstone" doesn't seem to flow right. I would stick with an adjective in front of sapphire like you did with the other gems, just so it transitions a bit better. Otherwise, great poem. |