FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| KrisEleven 2006-11-08 ch 3,  | abuseI didn't think that was bad at all. All I noticed was you used 'home' really close together in the first paragraph, which is awkward. Don't be so ** yourself. I mean it, just be confidant in your work, I think you have alot of potential! This is getting interesting...Ihope to read the next chapter soon. |
| KrisEleven 2006-11-03 ch 2, | abuseVery good imagery at the beginning, but you seemed to lose it when you got away from Jasper's thoughts and into movement and discriptions. The meeting didn't hold any interest, it was flat. The ending, however was also strong. Try to keep up Jasper's character, even when other things are going on. Keep posting, KrisEleven~ |
| KrisEleven 2006-10-29 ch 1, | abuseeek. scary. I hope a new chapter comes up soon. KrisEleven~ |