This was an interesting concept. The only thing I think that detracted from the story was the lack of commas. In speech, it helps to include them so that the pauses mimic how the lines should be spoken. I felt that here:

"Well, it was at the edge of dark you know and I’d just gotten to that little creek when I saw something in the trees.”

commas should have been added before and after 'you know' to separate that phrase and to add emphasis, just like it would be spoken. Also:

"It’s called a Sunset Kathy, it happens every evening"

There should be a comma after sunset, because the way you have it written now sounds like 'Sunset Kathy' is one thing. This goes for a lot of the times where your characters are addressing each other- it helps to have commas before their names.

Anyway, just a little cc. Hope that didn't sound too much like an attack or anything. I really liked the concept and I thought it was cool how you could convey it completely through dialogue. Good job.

hm interesting. i liked it but i think it could have been better. is the Pond Road legend a real one?

IT'S... A CLIFFHANGER! Are you going to continue it?? If so, please do!

I like this, and I hate when people pick and choose what to review! This sounds good! It was part of a contest? Well, anyway, keep it up! I like it!


Sonata