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| fluffy2001 2006-10-23 ch 1,   | Nice story. I know the real Hotel Yorba. I'm from Detroit and it is a fleabag all brick "no tell motel" complete with rotted neon sign in one of the worst parts of Detroit off the freeway. It is kind of cute that you made it into a nice little place to build a lifetime of memories. Anyway, great story. My only suggestion is to try it in third person. I got a little confused at the back and forth sequence of telling the parents what they wanted to do. That would have worked better if both characters were in third person. Otherwise, the story was very well done. |