Reviews for breathe IN - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: breathe IN - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Nessa Veneanar 2008-08-15 ch 1,	abuseLove the twist that the ending takes! I agree with Alaka's theory mostly; the male character doesn't come across as a sociopath. I think it says a lot about our human ideals. On TV, in our books, on the internet... the men and women of our romances are (mostly) supposed to be drop-dead gorgeous, even more so with the kind of typical teenage romance story (no offense to teenagers- I'm one myself- or their romances). But would we really be happy with someone who has ~no flaws~? Like the woman, this story has no glaring flaws (bad pun, I know). :) The prose draws you in, and the use of short, simple lines to break up larger sections make the piece almost lyrical. And of course, the final line packs quite a punch.
the ignorance of it all. 2008-08-04 ch 1,	abuseI love this. It's so... beautiful. The story itself is perfect, flawless. Absolutely amazing. Please, for the sake of the world, keep writing. =)
Alaka 2008-02-13 ch 1, anon.	abuseI found this rather interesting. Your story reminded me of something my friend told me, that certain men (or was it most?) are intimidated by beautiful or talented women. I don't think that your protagonist is exactly a sociopath, as one reviewer pointed out. Rather, he seems more intimidated by her and feels insecure consequently. Like how he wishes she were flawed. Maybe he's just afraid of losing her. Or maybe she's so perfect that he can't reach out, since all he wants to do is fix something, i.e. play a part in the relationship that makes him look meaningful. Anyway, I really liked your use of language. You don't burden your work with adjectives, but when they come they sound silky and fragile: * walls thin as paper * blue, translucent curtains she picked out last week * static noise like God's bullets bouncing off the windowpanes How can I wrap this up? I liked how effectively you ended things. The lyric was so simple, yet so conveying. Keep writing! :)
vocecara 2007-12-23 ch 1,	abusethe classic 'too perfect; no flaws' kind of person? don't quite get it. he wants to kill her because she's so flawless? scrap that. if i met someone like that i'd want to kill her too.
emerald 2007-12-13 ch 1, anon.	abuseshudder Gotta be careful about who you end up with, huh. Good job on making it so realistic and touching.
Why My Fic 2007-11-30 ch 1,	abuseI will be quite honest this story does sound somewhat like the Told(?) tale Heart But other than that it has gooding wording and great use of similies and metaphores. Nice job
relapse into change 2007-11-09 ch 1,	abusethis is beautiful and perfectly written & i love it (you probely want to hear more then that but i'm not really a good reviewer sorry) it's going on my favorites though :)
d666lisa 2007-11-01 ch 1,	abuseEXCELLENT :-)
for keeps 2007-09-01 ch 1,	abuseThis is... it's beautiful. And I know that must be such a mundane review, and that you must want to hear more than that, but it's really all I can come up. It left me reeling, and I'm still trying to pick apart your pretty words and get to the meaning. This is one I'll be thinking about for a while.
tstj 2007-08-07 ch 1, anon.	abuseHow disturbing. Love or hate? I can't tell.
gulistanlik 2007-06-27 ch 1,	abuseHe doesn't like her because she has no flaws? (Not that he would get a hold of someone completely perfect in the first place- that's not human) Nice one-shot by the way. Very enchanting...is that the word?
britty-tt 2007-06-27 ch 1,	abuseI liked this it was kind of scary though and definitely original.
Jaeiyola 2007-06-24 ch 1,	abuseWow. Just simply wow. I love this line: "and the rain takes its place with static noise like God's bullets bouncing off the windowpanes." - just one of my favorites in this story, for if I were to list more, there wouldn't be enough room. It's a deep and meaningful story. The last sentence just connects everything together. Great job!
Fan-Club-President18 2007-01-23 ch 1,	abusewow is all im gonna say O_O
Disenchanted Tragedy 2006-11-04 ch 1,	abuseI loved this story. Truly, it was beautiful. I seem to be having such luck lately, finding such very good stories here. And your's is great. You have a beauteous style and I liked that it was different. It wasn't that clichéd, "I love you but you wouldn't want me" kind of story. It was one of those rare stories that contain such a special twist. Disenchanted Tragedy

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