Pfft. Throw that at me, will you? *rolls up sleeves*

Okay. In order to write proper romance, you ned to have tension and build up, and make a character's feelings obvious.

It's all right, in some cases, to glaze over the romance as some books tend to focus on other things, but you do at least need to acknowledge the stages of infatuation and desire. Just throwing "olol love" at us doesn't cut it.

Writing is show, not tell. It's an age old saying. Show us, don't tell us. You need to show us Arion has love for Monk, because otherwise readers are neither satisfied nor convinced. Telling us is shallow and empty. It's up the reader's to decide and decipher your work. If you tell us everything that's happening without an air of mystery--controlled mystery, that is--then it defeats the purpose of reading the story. The reader might as well be asleep.

There's some food for thought. I'll be reading on.

(Oh, but just as an tack-on--this chapter only proves my confusion as valid in my last review over Arion's smile at the end of the last chapter. :/)

The vague exposition is beginning to dissappoint me; I wish to be emmersed in your world, not simply told about it. I want to feel something for your characters, but I can't unless I actually have a sense of who they are, which you mus demonstrate by giving us their history, and most of all having them interact through scenes with their environments and other characters. This is character development, and it's something your story lacks.

Besides that, the point of the chapter did get through to me. I got the point of the clan and such.

While I did get the point of the ONLY scene in the whole chapter (you have to have both scene and exposition; it's essential), the dialogue confused me. Mainly the beginning:

"What does the word, 'red', mean to you, Arion?" Munk asked, standing beside him.

Arion shrugged. "That what you're talking about is red?"

Munk sighed and shook his head. "Then, the colour?"

What's that mean? What were they talking about previous to this conversation?? It confused me. Mainly it was Arion's reply, of course.

Also the end of the conversation did. Why did Arion just accept the fact that Munk would be obviously sacrificed?? It's kind of obvious if you put two and two together, just by taking into account teh chapter and then this dialogue. Since we're following Arion, a reader's first instinct is that the main character knows everything and can put together everything they do; if this isn't the case, you have to make it more obvious.

I will be reading on.

Honestly, a bit better. I at least got some explanation. So Arion is inter-species, not half-demon. I see.

Oh, and the pronoun "it", when in possession form, is "its". "It's" is the shortened form of "it is".

And about the older rabbit guy--did you mean to say that his fingers were actually physically cut off, or that he simply didn't have them? If it's the latter, his fingers would most likely be thickened, and his palm far different than our own, which is something you would have to mention in your description.

Anyway, again, a better chapter. I think this is the first chapter that's ended with a satisfying ammount of information. I'll be reading on.

... Well, that was awfully vague and abrupt. You introduce a new character and then kill her off? Not one more scene before she's auf'd? You should've *shown* us Raynne and Arion's friendship, not just simply told us. Even one scene, showing maybe why they would be friends in the first place would be nice. Just because two people live together doesn't always mean they'll end up being friends; you just kind of assumed this, I see, but you didn't think about it.

Good thing though is your ending was slightly better. I'm still miffed about the bite-sized chapters. While they make it easier to review for me, they make the story seem choppy for no good reason. You seriously could have combined all three chapters I have read thus far, and made one, far more complete one, even without any other advice I've given you.

I have a prediction about the next chapter. He landed on a male character, right? I'll be reading on.

You reall like bite-size chapters, don't you?

Btw, that was a horrible way to end a chapter, again--actually, way worse than the last. You really must learn to tie up some loose ends. This leads me to a sudden conclusion that "provocative" should never be used to end anything, because it just pops question marks over my head. Not to mention it ended in description. Description is an introduction, not an ending.

So far I'm a bit lost. So, Arion is apparently a half-demon, which makes his father... what? Human or demon? If you're going to leave it for later, fine, but I can say truly and honestly that such issues that really shouldn't remain a mystery, unless it had some point to it, and is a silly thing to save for later. It's just something that bugs the reader's.

Actually, in this sense, you can probably combine a lot of your chapters if they really remain this short. Some authors can get by with a page or so of chapters; I don't particularly recommend it, but I've seen it done. It's because they actually give sufficiant enough information and scene with these chapters, while you don't. You should make your chapters longer if you wish to withhold information. Reading on Fictionpress is different than reading a regular book; you have to stop where the author leaves you. And if you don't deliver enough with each chapter, you won't HAVE readers.

So far, again, no idea where this is going. I'm a bit creeped out by the "muscled" comment, thus followed by the fact that he would be... what... 12?! You said 8 years later, and he was 4 before, so, yeah. I don't know many muscled 12 year olds, do you? Human or no, making him muscled at such a young age seems creepy, pure and simple.

Also, a bit iffed by the sudden lady character, dressed in a supposedly "scant" and "provocative" outfit (a brief description would've been nice). Mainly because I was advertised a MxM story. Just my own prefrences, though.

Anyway, I guess I'll read on, but I have a feeling a lot will just go on repeated in my next review.

"his own golden eyes swimming with the confusion of understanding."

What does that mean? Nothing. It's an oxymoron. It sounded like you were trying to say something, but it just came off as rather pretentious, and like you weren't even thinking when you wrote it. Choose one or the other; confusion or understanding.

The ending made especially no sense. Did it change settings? Skip years?? Why would a four year old say "damn"? Wtf happened to his dad? And you spelt "territory" wrong.

Your writing is far too vague, and borders on purple-prose in some instances. You need to make it more clear; what is going on, and what is the emotion of the scene.

Your sense of atmosphere boggles my mind a bit in the first part--why do you choose a sunny day for his father to... die, I guess he did? Even if it was a sunny day, to tell the event in the most accurate of ways possible, you would have to make the setting relate to the scene. Instead of cheery, you can say melancholy--that's sadness, but not a dark sadness, just one accompanied by neutral feelings.

Weather and nature have been used by authors in the past to symbolize and most of all, set up scene and atmosphere. Don't try to twist it. Just use it to your advantage.

Besides all that, I really have no idea where it's going plot line. There were no blaring mechanical errors, really, except again the purple prose, but it was tolerable fo rthe most part.

I'll be reading on.