FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| militarypuppet 2008-04-19 ch 1,   | nice! |
| skyjenny8 2008-04-17 ch 1, | i loved this poem of yours! I think it sends a good message and u have a great point friends don't abandon friends 4 some 1 else. It was really great. I do think that you are trying to make the poem rhyme and keep in mind that poems don't always have to rhyme. Also, it's okay to punctuate like the question mark that was good...hm... that's all I can say good job:D |
| Takhisis 2008-03-09 ch 1, | This poem is soO sad. I like how you emphasis one word in every sentence by underlining it. And I also like the second sentence, quote: capital T |
| PrincessPeaches 2008-03-07 ch 1, | When I was reading this I kept thinking about this 'newer model' being like a human-robot sorta thing. Sorry, that was random. This poem would be quite sad I think, but I couldn't hlep almost laughing as I had that thought. lol. Have you read the book The Secret Language Of Girls? I cnt r'member who its by, but this poem reminds me of it, coz the two girls fall out, and one doesnt talk to the other for ages, then she suddenly starts again. sorta. Ok, I've calmed down a bit now (I think the pepsi made me hyper. lol), I jsut reread the poem, looking at the 'never model' as a human. lol. It's sad :( but true :( |
| Lurid Black 2008-01-11 ch 1, | Sweet, well written, very powerful, keep writing, so i'll keep reading! ~Lurid~ |
| Manyissues101 2007-06-07 ch 1, | Wow, I'm having friendship problems and that just spoke to me. Good job. |
| DemonicTruths 2007-04-13 ch 1, | I love it! It's sad that that happened. She shouldn't have done that. |
| no1chick 2006-11-01 ch 1, | very good piece of poetry. i especailly like the last 2 lines. |
| Midnight In Eden 2006-11-01 ch 1, | first off, you're using too much emphasis. by bolding, underlining and italicising you're giving words that don't mean a lot (or the same) too much of an emphasis in the exact same way. look at different ways of formatting, ie line breaks and singularly using bold, italics and underlining. it's a bit too prosaic in that you're telling far too much and not showing anything. poetry is about using imagery, using language to portray something in a new light. look at ways to show your point rather than directly telling the reader what it is. that air of mystery adds a lot to a piece. .:midnight:. |
| Dana 2006-10-26 ch 1, | Good, could be improved a little but other then that its put toghter nicely and flows great |