 Brian 2006-11-04 . chapter 1 Decent symbolism, and whatnot. Not a bad start at all. I really did like this 'spider' idea. However, I would suggest that you vary the language a lot more. Also, make the setting fit better. If you say that this takes place in the 22nd century, it should have weapons, other technology. Example: Get rid of the C4. Other than that, it is good. And good luck. |