i had to laugh a bit. not at the poem. at the summary after reading the poem. the poem is certainly not happy,as cool as it may be. but i really should refrain from reading your stuff your going to make me jaded

The words were there, but the feeling wasn't. I think that the paratheses (excuse my spelling) took away from this poem, perhaps you should try -- the double dashes. It seperates the thought without taking away from the sentence, it adds and I have found it to be quite beneficial for my writings.