|Reviews for The Do You Understand? Chronicles|
| Isca 2/18/10 . chapter 9
"Santeria envelopes." I love this description!
| I be a poet lost in morbidity 7/27/09 . chapter 1
I am pondering.. i enjoy pondering... I like them, they made me smile. :) see? I think that even though they are completely random, They make sense. If that makes sense.. Ok. Fives.
| Faithless Juliet 7/20/09 . chapter 1
These were kind of weird if I do say so myself, although it’s pretty evident that you wanted them at way.
There’s defiantly a rhythm to your pieces. Each one as a vivacious tone and voice to them, even If I’m not always clear as to what you’re trying to say. ‘Intolerable lullabies over voluntary elephants’ - that line sounds like the title of a Salvador Dali painting, but I‘m not exactly sure what *you* were trying to show me.
You also show a strong tone and mood here; the poems itself seem child-like and innocent. Although, having said that they also seem brutally abstract and as you so eloquently put it in you a/n meant to pondered over by us mere mortals for all eternity.
Your word play was interesting, as I’ve stated before. ‘Everything dictated kangaroos obviously vacuum another chocolate hit.’ I’m wondering if these words just came to you and bam you wrote them down, or if you actually had to think them out like this.
In terms of grammar and punctuality I didn’t notice any comma’s in your piece. If taking the same line as above: ‘Everything dictated kangaroos obviously vacuum another chocolate hit.’ You could add a comma after ‘dictated’ and maybe, to add importance to the word obviously, you could put that word in italics. It might help break up the sentence, and help it be more clear.
I defiantly understand why you given the title that you did. Hark, something that I understand! Keep up the good work.
| HannaThing 7/8/09 . chapter 8
Enjoyment - First off, I love the feel of desperation behind this. As if you are screaming (or whispering) and hoping that someone, somewhere will understand.
Flow - Some of the lines flow very nicely, like:
Every forgotten one
Remember general equilibrium
Tonight my young"
But, then the longer lines (Marijuana accepts kindred emotions) seem to break this flow. It stop the poem flowing easily in my mouth. I like that it chops it up a little, but at the same time, I'm left wishing it felt more natural.
Descriptions/Word Choice - I like the use of odd sounding words that are heard, but not often. The first few lines really set the mood of the poem with the descriptors used, but then the next two are slightly cliched and over-done. (ex: Empty lines promise salvation).
Punctuation/Grammar - The grammar is conventional, and is correct, so that's good. The lack of punctuation is fun. It seems like there should be commas to break the phrases, but because of the lack of them, it makes the poem feel frenzied, as if the speaker would be screaming it all out of them before the words disappeared from them.
Very nice, overall. Thank you for this delightful read.
| bipedalcooney 7/3/09 . chapter 5
I like this one because I can get a sense of meaning from it- at least a meaning for myself anyway. But it was a slow read. Your language here is a little too flashy; the only reason I was able to understand it is because I have a decently large vocabulary (and clearly so do you... yes that's a compliment :]). But regardless, I find that with this collection of poems, it's best for the reader to look at it line by line. And on that note: I really loved the line, "Terrorizes sunny openings." This line really got me, because terror and sunshine are two things that should not go together, but can go together very well abstractly. It's something I can particularly relate to. Good work.
So overall, it's hard to say whether I like or dislike the poem. I know the purpose of this collection is to be obscure, but remember that you can accomplish that just as well with simpler wording that people can process. Imagery and tone are what make poems interesting and enjoyable (not necessarily meaning). If you cut both of those out to any degree, you lose what's good about it. Just find that balance, and you're style with this type of writing will improve.
| bipedalcooney 7/3/09 . chapter 2
This one is a lot better than the first. It still feels forced, but I can definitely get a sense of tone and feeling from it. I especially liked number five, and how the "already billowed out" line gave me the image of willow trees. The line, "bothering our younger selves?" is also great- made me think. Good work, I liked this one overall.
| bipedalcooney 7/3/09 . chapter 1
This is interesting to say the least. I both liked it and didn't like it, for different reasons. First off, I liked it because the imagery is unique. It's different, and very strange. As you can prob tell from my own writing, I like weird imagery lol. However, I disliked it because the weirdness of it seemed forced. It sounded like you selected words out of a hat and forced them together into lines. Because of this, it's hard to even get the tone of you're writing. Even though the lines are interesting, the lack of understandable emotion makes it a little uninteresting. You did, however, say it was personal, so I'll acknowledge that the lines are NOT random. I just wish I could get a little more tone from the piece.
| deefective 6/30/09 . chapter 1
Hmm, well this was an interesting piece(s) to read. I like the way that it's completely ambiguous. I have no idea what you're talking about but I don't care. It reads well and it sounds nice. Haha, also I like your word choice. Interesting thing to put in words like "kangaroos" and "ocelots". Normally, that sort of writing rarely works as it just confuses the reader and makes no sense but the way you phrased your words in this piece makes that fact obsolete. Of course, you know what it means but honestly I don't think most people would get this but he piece has a poetic flow to it that makes it almost make sense, if you get what I mean? Anyho, very good job.
| mikey magee 6/13/09 . chapter 6
I liked the form of the poem. It was nice and it added uniformity to the poem which I thought was a good contrast for the theme of the piece.
I liked the use of rhythm in the piece. It was subtle and worked well with the poem.
My favorite line was "Love isn't fake" because of all the different connotations it contained. I can't really comment on the overall theme or message of the piece because none of the lines made any sense (but as you've said, that is the theme of each poem, so in that aspect, I give you kudos.)
| Enhancemynightmare72 6/13/09 . chapter 7
Again, I like your way with words and your vocabulary is impressing because it shows more depth in the piece.
And though the meaning isn't obvious, it's nice because you personally know what it means, and it's a mystery trying to comprehend it.
| lipleaf 6/12/09 . chapter 5
I love your word choice in here! Especially the first line- the phrases you use are unique and give the entire piece a different feel than most of its kind. The oxymorons add a little special touch that make the poem seem complete. I like the line, "Terrorizes sunny openings." Nice job.
| mikey magee 6/12/09 . chapter 3
I loved the simile in the first line. It was creative and told a lot about the speaker.
Even though I didn't understand it too much, I liked the brevity of it. I liked it because it gave the poem a kind of gentleness that seemed to work well the entire piece.
I liked the imagery of the last line as well. It was ordinary, but somehow you made it beautiful.
| Enhancemynightmare72 6/12/09 . chapter 4
I like your way with words...
But, I think you should keep the author notes to one per chapter, maybe combine them? :)
| erin embrangle 6/11/09 . chapter 2
I like the sixth part in chapter two, and I think I understand this poem a bit more, aside from the last line. Again, I love your choice of words, they all seem like they fit together in some way or another, but I can't put my finger apon what it is. These are all good poems, and I feel if you expanded on what you were talking about a bit more that I would understand them more.
| erin embrangle 6/11/09 . chapter 1
My faveroite line of this poem is, "Intolerable lullabies over voluntary elephants." It seems musical and the words sound like they belong together, I just can't grasp the meaning of it.. It's very metaphorical, which is a good thing, but I suggest maybe having another line that would give the reader more of a clue to what you're alluding to. It is very short, I think it would be better if it was just a little bit longer. I like the way you write though, keep up the good work. :)