Mm...
Intriguing. I would dearly love to know who this man is, and why he murdered her, but I suppose it's meant to be left up to interpretation. Whihc is quite a good thing...
The only thing I might say is that some of the sentences are a little long, particularly at the beginning. The description is truly incredible, but long sentences in a suspenseful piece of writing can sometimes drag it down. Oh- and I suppose the paragraphs could be a bit smaller, but that might just be my computer screen, xD.
Much Love
Isilthrar

I liked the descriptions and depth of detail. Not only the content but also the overall quality of the scene is very dark. Excellent word choice to provide an overshadow for the story. Very well done.

By way of notes: it was a little short, perhaps. I left the scene wondering some things. Was the girl home alone? What did she look like? Why did the killer choose her? It is good to leave things to the imaginations but you have to be careful not to leave too much up to the reader. Also, some of the sentences were a bit long and tedious to read. You could easily break up some of them into smaller sentences and have the story flow more quickly.

O.o !

That is a brilliant ending, ending only with the death of the dog... The rest of the story- the killer and the girl - seem to get swallowed up, vanish altogether. As they do. It's great touch.

I was so worried that the guy had killed the dog! Fuck the girl! Let the dog live! Nice story.

You make me sad...

aw, poor doggie *sticks out lip (^_^), again, descriptions drew me in (loved the wind) how many times do i gotta say that yeas, it's good huh? >_< (:P) I feel very repetitive truthfully... wish the dog hadn't died, but it was important for the story, when u have enough of these things, u should try to get them published as a book of short stories They'd use them in schools and stuff (miss, nobody writes that formally on this website, it seems fake, like sarcasm >_< *pouting... (i'm sure other people on here think i'm crazy... ^_^ oh well, they're probably right)) so yeah, liked it :P

omg breanna! dark dark dark girl
didnt know you had it in you
i like "impending doom!" yaya

It was a brillient read, one that I like enough to throw on my favorites and my C2. It was haunting almost, a well-chosen style of writing, and had a brilliant ending. You're new to this site, so this is your only story so far, but do you like horror?
(I'm recruiting for my C2 you see. Anything angst, tragedy, drama, horror I'm going for. PM me if you would like to take me up on my employment offer.)