FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Adenil 2008-03-12 ch 1,  | abuseOkay, few minor details is all. It says: The moon now sets the sun now rises 'rises' isn't quite the right word for that. I think you might want to read your poems aloud before you post them. That's what I do, and it really helps. You also have an AA BB etc. rhyme scheme which is okay, but a little limited. You don't have to rhyme, but you seem like you force yourself to. Love the first line, though, The skies are painted red and grey... great visual on that. Thank you so much! |
| Daphne D'Apple 2007-08-19 ch 1, | abusei like the picture that this poem paints back in my mind. beautiful descriptions =] |
| gnomesbeatfaeries 2007-07-11 ch 1, | abuseOK, I have a few things to say. Your actual poem, the wording and the topic, is a little cliche, but that dosen't mean its not good. Its a very simply, yet sweet, mornig poem. The only thing is LEARN SOME GRAMMAR, HONEY! Writing poetry does not give you the right to do away with all the rules of the english language. For example, if you would like to put punctuation at the end of your first three lines, you need a period, not commas. In the forth line, you either need an 'is' between today and another or a comma. Writing correctly will not only make your poetry simply better, but it will attract more readers, and isn't that what we all want! Next time I hope you can put some more effort in, but otherwise, this poem was pretty good. The ending, while uncorrect, is still a sweet closing line; it wraps the poem up very nicely. michelle |
| Sergei V. 2007-06-27 ch 1, | abuseCool, I like it. Happy, true. Overall, really good |
| salafrae 2007-02-13 ch 1, | abusei like your choice of words. really nice. ^_^ |
| a reason for junebugs 2006-10-30 ch 1, | abuseLose the rhyme, you don't need it. Why say you're "feeling blue" if you don't have to? It sounds insincere and that's BAD(one half-truth makes all your words ring false and all). Hehe. That said, I appreciate the feeling behind this. It's the sort of moment most people don't bother to put into poetry, let alone into a simple "Good Morning". It's also the sort of thing poeple should. It was a refreshing read, so thanks! |