Reviews for Ascending Zenith - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Ascending Zenith

firesword 2006-11-26 ch 2,	abuseconfusing but good
Colton M. H. 2006-11-24 ch 3,	abuseI like it. Please read my stories, The Lost Chronicals of Space, The Defenders, and The End as we Know It, please. I like it. I think you'll like my stories.
Wogan May 2006-11-16 ch 2,	abuseHi. Well, you asked that I come here, and here I am. First off - I'm not here to flame you, so don't read this review that way. I'm here to help. If you don't want my advice, then that's your problem, not mine. Secondly - I came because you asked me to come. I will provide you with this review because you asked, but don't ask again. I will watch your story with time, and review at my own discretion where I think it is necessary. Thirdly - NEVER use a review as a bargaining chip to get someone else to review you. I'm reviewing only because I want to - other authors will not take so kindly to what you did. If you get lots of reads and no reviews, it usually means that the reader does not consider your story review-worthy. This is either because the story is bad, or because the reader does not want to take the time to review. Either way, the best way to improve your quality of writing is to read. Find a good published author that writes in the same genre, or look for stories with lots of reviews. You'll soon pick up what you're missing. Now - on to the review. Several problems are obvious to me immediately: 1) Too Much Dialogue - There should be an action/dialogue balance. Equal parts of story-building, and speech. But as you said in your profile - you write to get these things out of your mind and on to paper. Because of that, you probably visualise what you want to write, then write it. You seem to assume that we see what you see, and this leads to confusion in the story. Take time to describe what you see properly. 2) Long sentences - Don't be afraid of short sentences. Some of your lines are incredibly long-winded. Rather use shorter sentences - it makes the story easier to understand. In your dialogues, you tend to make the same mistake - long, long speeches. Here's a tip: Write it as you would speak it. To give an example: You said: “Sergeant prepare your ships for a flanking maneuver we do not wish to damage the planet it could become a useful colony.” It would read better as: "Sergeant, prepare your ships for a flanking maneuver. We do not wish to damage the planet - it could become a useful colony." 3) No intermittent action - Your story moves WAY too fast. Slow it down a little. Chapter 1 could have been much more detailed than what it was, if you took the time to describe everything. 4) Unrealism - I know this is Sci-fi, and that you want to bend the rules a little, but COME ON: Sending a kid for punishment after 1 incorrect answer? That's a little unreal to me. And, it would be the same for everyone else who reads. The "unreal" element should come in with the races, their homeworlds, their technologies, and so on. NOT in their interactions. 5) Typos - There are a few odd typos and grammar glitches, but that's normal for any story. I'd recommend you run your story through a proper spell-checker, and re-read it before uploading. That's all for now. I'll put this story onto my alert list, and check back in the future. Good luck.
Haske 2006-11-11 ch 2,	abuseThat was a little backward, in the prelude you already gave a discription of this battle. Then you went back in time to before the prelude. A little confusing at parts, but then again still good.
Haske 2006-11-11 ch 1,	abuseWow, very good for the first chapter. And i never knew humans were so mean, but hey then again humans are humans.
Ryuu kira 2006-11-08 ch 2,	abuseI like it but I don't get it. update soon.
L.F. DiBello 2006-11-08 ch 2,	abuseVery nice job with the story-I really like it. The fact that it's from the alien's point of view makes it interesting and fun to read. The set-up and transition between the prologue and first chapter were well done too. Keep up the good work-can't wait to see more!
The Catalyst 2006-11-07 ch 2,	abuseVERY nice, i love it! XD heh heh, keep it up. ^^
firesword 2006-11-02 ch 1,	abuseBUM BUM BUM! Interesting, but short chapter. I like the fact that it is from the alein's point of veiw. I think it adds class. Hehe heh Class, she thought class, i'm sorry horrible pun. Good story though!

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