Reviews for Winged - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Winged - Reviews: Page 1 of 21

instantvoodo 2008-05-10 ch 18,	abuseWow. This story was absolutely fantastc! You're writing skills are above brilliant. Wonderful job. I hope to read more of your work soon. I really enjoyed this story.
Living.My.Life.My.Way 2008-03-19 ch 18,	abusei thought this was a VERY good story, not many mistakes, although odd spellings of words, like the way british people spell them. there was really only two things that bugged me. ok, is a shortened for for okay. dont ask me why but its that way. but if u do use the shortened form u need to use do it like this: O.K. and the other thing, wen using salutations, u need a period after the mr., mrs.,ect. well, thats really really all i noticed. Great story.
Lovedward48 2008-03-17 ch 18, anon.	abuseYAY! I love it! Very well written and the charas are awesome! I love Grace&Lucan!^^ Winged people rock! XD I enjoyed reading your story! Thnx for writting it!^^
His Terrible Beauty 2008-03-10 ch 18,	abuseFor the record? the realized/realised thing is no big deal. american/english spellings, basically. both are fine. and your story rocks :) x
Gentle. Edge. 2008-01-21 ch 18,	abuseThis story was so good, I loved the way things turned out even if it was a bit long. But the details were awesome. Great job :)
Gentle. Edge. 2008-01-19 ch 5,	abuseEven though the story is kinda weird, it's written really well and makes me want to constantly read. :) Really nice job
Gentle. Edge. 2008-01-19 ch 1,	abuseCreepy and confusing but it really makes me want to read more :)
D-Mish 2007-12-29 ch 18,	abuseWow, great story, usually i hate anything to do with fantasy, but this is so hlaf realistic... descriptions and everything. Its not steriotypical. Your a great author and I just adore this story... its so orginal. Great Job!
Terras1fan 2007-12-26 ch 18,	abuseFairly decent story. It is ruff around the edges, but of all it needs revision and editing. A writer's work is never done! I suggest spellcheck. realized patronized You have a tendency to put 's' where 'z' belongs. A weakness, I believe, but we all have them. This story could be something great, just take the thing apart and see if it works this way and that way. A story is a puzzle. Just place it all in the right order and it will make sense. I may sound insane, but I swear do some revision and editing - it will boost this story to an eight or nine (you're riding a 5 or 6). By the way, I suggest looking up guides, keys and helpful tips about revision and editing. From the friendly, honest critic, --Terra
CaveDwellers 2007-12-04 ch 18,	abuseHello again. I'm sorry that this review has been delayed as it has. I'll get right into it. The ending was decent, though there I find some aspects wanting. Grace said she wanted to be far away from her childhood home. Fine, she can--but where would they all live? Surely these winged people can't just walk into supermarkets and buy things, or apply for loans to buy houses, especially since they don't have jobs or funding. Even if there was a trust fund for them or something, it would take a while to accumulate. In some aspects, leaving a place that gave you both food and shelter was an extremely rash idea. Having a new and different life is good, but chances are there are going to be some that don't wish to have that. Of course some of the views presented here are Grace's own and therefore warped to suit her fancy, but wouldn't some people confront her about it? "Why are you doing this? We were perfectly happy as we were!" ect ect. The government would also be more involved. There would be a need for doctors/veterinarians to treat the winged people, custom-tailored clothing. They would have to profile each and every one of them, there would be the issue of education and shelter--in fact, it's more probable that the government would attempt to erase their existence entirely. Civilian uproars are things to be avoided at all costs. And since the Factory is as scientific and organized as it seems to be, wouldn't the government find out that there are unaccounted-for, possibly dangerous subjects still on the loose? That doesn't sound like something worthy of being ignored. And of course, if word about the Factory and it's workings got out before it could be hushed (as it seemed to be), then wouldn't Grace be hounded by the press? She is in the middle of it all, and if the remaining scientists from the factory were interviewed, then they would inevitably mention her. She would probably be taken into the witness protection service or something to be protected from those who don't accept the winged people. Again, there is the question of funding and jobs. Grace doesn't seem to have one, and nobody's before mentioned that she knew how to drive. There were several occasions where it might have come in handy. Even if she's got a big inheritance, it won't be enough to last the rest of her life. The press and religion/people in general involvement was a good start, however. And Brian's reaction, while probably a bit too placid, was rather well done. I was rather disappointed that through all of this chaos, Lucan and Grace's relationship is still the center of attention. After they all escaped from the Factory, wouldn't both of them be doing more to help the others survive? It didn't seem as though they were doing much of that, so much so that it could be considered out-of-character. They would both be inclined to lay their very lives down for these people--and yet, they're not doing anything. Also, I couldn't help but think that they were not giving the other characters the spotlight they deserved. Grant, they were the protagonists, but there's a fine line between that and hogging the limelight. I believe that their supreme involvement with each other while much more important things were going on (in the background, seemingly) crossed it. Considering the incident with the syringe and the mutilated girl back in the Factory and the deal with the way that the wolf-like guy (gosh, I can't remember his name right now) didn't kill Grace because of the mark on her arm, I would have to say that those were fairly blatant loopholes. Wouldn't the formula in the syringe have been changed or perfected over time? If so, then wouldn't the pills she took as a child be less efficient or not at all? If she hasn't taken any in years, chances are whatever was in them has long-since left her body--unless the method was similar to building up a resistance to snake venom: a little every day helps her to become so used to it that it doesn't affect her anymore. That would be more realistic than her somehow managing to retain the antidote in her body for that long. In my opinion, if the treatment itself didn't destroy her, then it should have marked her more than that. Some kind of crippling that the guy I can't remember the name of would be satisfied with, because just a web-like marking doesn't seem like enough. His life was destroyed completely, and he seems like a mighty vengeful lad, for him to drop it as easily as that was unrealistic. Lucan was also, I think, a bit too adoring of Grace. Doesn't he have anything else to think about besides her? Doesn't he ever get mad at her? He was sheltered from the world, but he was not sheltered from social workings. He would know what it's like to be angry, wouldn't he? I dunno, just an observation. And with all of these things going for her, it almost makes Grace out to be Mary-Sue-ish. Her weakness of mind was a redeeming touch, but there were several other aspects of her personality that she developed as the story progressed that just had me thinking "Oh boy--does the author see this, too?" But then again, it's so much easier to see things from an outsider's perspective than from the perspective of the one who wrote it. I know it may not seem like it with all my criticisms, but I enjoyed reading this story. Perhaps a bit more in the beginning than in the end because of the technicalities and my interpretation of Grace, but nevertheless, I do not regret reading this piece. It was entertaining, thought-provoking and based-off of an intriguing concept. And like you said, this is not a major project of yours, just a little side thing. It was good. 'Til next, CD 1.0
condemned-2-fate 2007-11-30 ch 18,	abusewow. truely. all of it. i'm so impressed. i could read it a million times and never tire of it. btw, i saw the comment that compared your story to 'Maximum Ride' by James Patterson. have you read it? i thought that the idea of the Factory (or School in 'Maximum Ride's case), was similar...and the idea about scientists creating a new and improved species was similar...but only vaguely. to be perfectly honest, i prefered yours. i love how the main character was normal. the reader can relate to her. i found it difficult to relate to the main character in James Patterson's novel. i love all of your characters and the way you developed Lucan's and Grace's relationship. the details and description in the story were perfound, and i really really really enjoyed reading it. awesome job. keep it up.
SAKoi 2007-11-23 ch 1,	abuseWow! A thrilling intro! Your writing really draws the reader in and get caught up in the story.
effection 2007-11-14 ch 18,	abuseand i just finished reading this a second time and felt like commenting because i just got my first tattoo last saturday! it's a sun-design on my left shoulder-blade - i can't stop looking at it.
MochaLatteSweetheart 2007-11-12 ch 18,	abuseOh, wow! That was so beautiful... I loved it!
Ambergirl1029 2007-11-02 ch 18,	abuseamazing story i cant wait for the sequel (hint hint) lol no pressure jk jk i really do like the story though its cool i love the end "but he's winged" no ** sherlock lol jk jk

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