 twoworldsapart 2006-11-02 . chapter 1This is pretty interesting so far. Jeremiah is a really strange (but funny) character. Its a great story but yeah it could use some improvement. The flow is a little unnatural. I think it might help if you separate groups of paragraphs so that it's like each day is on its own. It might make changes in setting and everything seem less abrupt when at the end. |