This story was good. If you ever decide to revise it, one suggestion I have is to make Jorjanna's past play a bigger role. Her attitude is clearly shaped by her past, but we don't know anything about it other than the fact that she is running. Why are they hunting her? What have they done to her in the past to make her so afraid? And if Flannery's government is looking for her that determinedly, it seems likely that they would find her sooner or later. I think that most of the story's problems come from the fact that it is a NaNo story and you didn't really have time to go into a lot of detail. Good job; I'm looking forward to an update on Power of Magick.

Ok. This is pretty cool. *nod* I like it.

:D CD

This was an excellent story. It seems like it could go a little further though...I don't really know about the ending. Otherwise this story is fantastic and I love the characters.

S.S. Dailey

It's living his life among those who should know him but don't.

I still think that his pain and anger is going to explode someday. You said he was a telekinetic, right? I have a bad feeling that we're going to have a poltergeist at some point...

:) CD

Aw...Jorjanna should seriously allow everyone to remember him; that would be something that could possible redeem her in Sabin's eyes.

This story is excellent and I can't wait to read more.

S.S. Dailey

Well, this is a really interesting twist, you know. They really have switched roles.

Sabin scares me though. His anger is so strong, I don't know what he'll do later...

:) CD

Ok...well now that I'm done with NaNo I can return once more to my original pen name. I really love this story, and being the hopeless romantic that I am, I am hoping that maybe feelings will emerge between Sabin and Jorjanna. I don't know what it is but it feels like this story passed by way too quickly. The year they spent traveling could have had more encounters in it but maybe the characters weren't pulling you in that direction. Anyway, I am awaiting the next chapter.

Enjoy finishing up the semester...you're not the only one. I have finals next week and it is going to be crazy.

S.S. Dailey

...well. This is surprising.

I expected ehr to fall in love, but I thought he would too. So he's proposing, basically, so she'll shut up.

Interesting.

:) CD

hahaha...I knew it...I knew it would happen eventually. It's kind of sweet actually. I love this story and I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Danielle Thamasa

Well, they do say that the sophomore (2nd year) of NaNo is the hardest. I still think that this story is amazing and I can't wait to read more. Good luck in finishing your novel. And, who knows, an unexpected twist might pop up and make the novel longer.

S.S. Dailey

Another interesting chapter. I hope you can catch up and complete NaNo. I'm happy because I have finished my novel (though it all isn't up on fictionpress yet...I've been having problems updating too). It is an amazing feeling to complete a novel in a month and I'm actually looking forward to next year.

Anyway, back to your story...I'm glad that Jorjanna is actually putting forth the effort to change and I'm glad that Sabin has realized that she is trying to change. I especially love the bantering between the two; it makes me laugh because they are both so ...mature and yet they act like children. Waiting for the next chapter.

S.S. Dailey

Well, it's nice to know she's sincere.

Yes, I got Eragon when it first came out... it is ok, like you said, for something written by a teenager like us. I do disagree though, with what you said next--it doesn't make FP pale in comparison, I've read better on here (at least in my opinion).

:) CD

Another chapter! Yay, it makes me happy! Yeah, I'm really sleep deprived at the moment. I had a friend that was going through a rough time and ended up staying up all night with him. This is an interesting chapter. I'm glad Jorjanna is starting to change, and I can only hope that she is being sincere about it all.

Yeah, I understand about Eragon...it is a really good book. I would recommend waiting to read Eldest until after November though. I think you could probably hold out for another week. Although Eldest is a really good book. I enjoyed it immensely.

Keep up the great work.
Danielle Thamasa

Yay! Another update! I think I'm actually starting to warm up towards Jorjanna...maybe there is hope for her after all. I hope you can get some writing done over Thanksgiving. I'm going to attempt to write a lot as well. I plan on locking myself into my room for practically the entire break. I love where this story is heading and I can't wait to read more.

Also, thanks for your review of my NaNo. It's nice to see that I do have some fans of it since people don't really seem to be into reviewing. The only way I keep up with everything is by getting very little sleep. Also, every time I update, I check for the updates of my favorite authors. Then, I read and review them before continuing to my story again. I think it is a very easy system.

Waiting for the next chapter,
Danielle Thamasa

Well, I'm liking this.

what book did you get?

:D CD