FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Kid In Converse 2008-01-18 ch 5,  | abuseThat was a great chapter!! Alex is so funny! How did that guy even get through ISA training?? Go Delana! Surgery in the back of a van!! It's always interesting, because you know that they're going to be betrayed, but you never know exactly when or how. Great job with all of the detail! I have no complaints. Please continue, and Post More Soon! :-) :-D |
| marginalia 2007-12-10 ch 4, | abusePoor Alex. He was brave though, hitting that guard when he really didnt want to. This story surprises me at every turn. I think one thing is going to happen but another thing actually does. :) Quincy |
| merrymowmow 2007-09-26 ch 4, | abuseI was wondering when you're going to update? |
| merrymowmow 2007-05-16 ch 3, | abuseI was wondering when you're going to update? |
| FreakierThanThou 2007-03-18 ch 3, | abuseWow. This is good. I liked the part about Alex and Ian when Ian said "Jesus Christ". Yeah... nice little thing to include there. One thing that kind of bothered me was in the first few chapters, your paragraphs are a little... I dunno, choppy. There's a part in chapter two where you begin nearly ever sentence with Alex's name. Other than that, though, it was really good. I liked the dream, it was really well done, and Delana's fears were a nice addition. Great job, overall. Keep writing, -Freaky |
| truthordeal 2007-03-17 ch 3, | abuseYou're third chapter really made me feel out of the loop, but then again, that's probably what you were going for. Your grammar needs some work, but thats it. |
| marginalia 2007-03-10 ch 3, | abuseO, is the double agent that guy that Delana tried to save..? Update so I can find out! Jeez I am SUCH a hypocrite... Quincy |
| marginalia 2007-03-10 ch 2, | abusehis cross man-necklace: HAHAHAHAHA Love it! (You are pretty darn full of hilariosity!) Wow...that was intense. Ian was mean, but I guess they do have a pretty serious/risky/crazy job. I'm guessing that Delana has been tortured before and that's where she got her huge fear of it from. But that's just me. Good job! Quincy |
| marginalia 2007-03-10 ch 1, | abuseI like the title...fits with the tone of the story so far. The chapter is good, except for a few grammar errors, like when you repeated "the blonde" in the second sentence, and right here in this line: "He was still the unsensitive, uncaring, obnoxious, and self-centered that he’s always been." you forgot to say what he was, or you accidentally put a the in there. Whatever. I love the name choices...I always have such a hard time with that and you just have THE coolest ones...lucky duck! Reading on! Quincy |
| The Ferrett 2007-03-04 ch 3, | abuseThird chap raises alot of questions, least of which is why does she not like armor. Anyway, is still fun so I'm in. |
| The Ferrett 2007-02-27 ch 2, | abuseOh a scared secret agent... nice. Here at chap 2 and think you're doing ok. |
| The Ferrett 2007-02-27 ch 1, | abusePriesty is funny, especially with the Di Vinci joke. ::)) see you at chap 2. |
| symbiotic 2007-02-12 ch 2, | abusereally nice job a little to repitive but that's not major. Hope to read more. |
| Sahlili20 2007-01-25 ch 2, | abusePlease continue! --Sahlili20 |
| Kid In Converse 2007-01-15 ch 1, | abuseNice! I am very intrigued by this story, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this. I hope that you'll continue! |