I can't do justice to this story, Helen, but I'm going to damn well try to give you a fantastic review:

That was utterly amazing. I didn't think you had that type of thing hidden in you, but I guess I never asked enough questions to really find out how much of a brilliant writer you are. It was beautiful. That's a good word for it. Beautiful. Something about it was so delicate, so fragile...It made me think of the stem of a glass rose, actually. To me, love is never quite as beautiful as when it's gone. Her love for him was gorgeous because it was so wrongly twisted, so deformed and terrifying that it gave me chills. However: I DO NOT approve of you writing this during choir! Now, I know that inspiration strikes at odd times...but if this was during Mr.H's class, I'm coming after you with a venom, man. But back on track. I loved this. It was a work of art. You are a talent that I'm glad to have stumbled upon. Kudos, girly.

This is superb for choir class. Good use pronouns and hinting at the past. Shows and does not tell. I wish I could write a whole story without dialogue. Bravo.

wow... very discriptive... detailed... but it says almost nothing of the past

wow. Very descriptive! kudos to you especially if you thought it up during choir.

I love your ending; sublime and chilling.

only thing i have to say is indent your paragraphs to make it easier to read for the viewer and maybe seperate dialogue and thoughts from the rest by using italics?

by the way, tx for the review

o i like it. i like alot. i like the title. the pronouns are very cool. will review more, but must go. love ya babes.

Wow. Very well done. I really like how you used the pronouns instead of names; I do that a lot too, and I think the effect lent itself well to this piece. As far as the story goes, I always wnted to write something like this, but it looks like you beat me to it. Some other time, perhaps. I have two minor issues. First, the phrase "In the exact middle of the crude yet symbolic heart traced with blood he lay" didn't quite... I want to say flow, but I don't really have a word. It just seems a little awkward. I had to sit and think about it for a second to grasp what you were trying to say. Lastly, and this is nit-picking, but she places the knife on the ground, and then cuts her wrist? She never picked it up again? It just seemed like there was a little emphasis on the putting down of the knife. But yeah. Otherwise, excellent work. Can't wait to read more of your stuff.

I find it hilarious that you wrote it in choir. I'm always coming up with these weird story ideas in school.

I really like this story and I found it funny especially the part when she kills his girlfriend. That was amazing. I also love how you only say "he" and "she," it gives a certain mystery to it.

The only thing I would recommend, besides a few grammar errors, (but I'm not one to talk...)is maybe the beginning. Originally I thought she was a vampire because she tasted his blood and made a comment about how she was already dead, unless that's what you were going for. It did make her seem pretty crazy.