wow i loved the beginning. it was so descriptive i felt like i was standing there watching this guy get crushed. i love investigation type stories, this is great :D

Loved the beginning. Kind of reminded me of something you'd see in a Saw movie, and all the more rawktastic (I love those movies, don't you?)!

B.

P.S. I need you to get yourself and a band of your bestest fans over to my site to read Cloud! Pretty please? You're the best.

Pretty good start. The serial killer's method of execution is very original. I like it. Did mark ever finish his breakfast? Or was he too tired to eat after that romp in the bedroom?

its lovely so far 8D please continue soon

love the story and the fact that this relationship is not a new one, and the relationship is not the whole plot (like in a lot of stories, especially mine)!! Not so sure I'm gonna join u, though...I don't do well with crime investigation stuff...thanks for the invite tho. I luv u lots! (by the way, I can guess the end: you're the murderer!! lol! jk). I'll still correct and whatnot, if u want. Love, Jess :)