FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| spiritual_cramp 2007-04-22 ch 1, anon. | abuseHey, loving this. I'm so glad you added me on myspace; however, don't leave comments saying you know about my fictionpress site. I had to delete those, and the one about Tara, who has cleaned up her act a lot. The reason being that no one knows I have an autobiography except my friend Charlie, and I even told him not to tell anyone. Thanks |
| Somewhere In Between 2007-02-16 ch 1,  | abusethis was so good and so real that it was scary.. and thats all im going to say --Alex |
| Ryan Schiff 2006-11-15 ch 1, | abuseAs a narrative poem, it works. I can see what you're doing, and I don't like it. However, this is by all means /slightly better/ than most of the angst drab I read on any given day. Thats why I'm giving it a review. That being said, here comes the parts where I chew you out: The first stanza seems to be a collection of brief and broken images. This is all well and good, however, I don't fully understand what the images mean or why you worded them the way you do. Why do you hang your head down low when passing "the whores"? What are you doing to avoid half the pain? Avoiding half the pain is useless, because once you avoid half of the pain the other half becomes all the pain, and you are again suffering. The second section is iffy. I know you're envisioning yourself committing suicide, or if nothing else contemplating it. It isn't great, heck, it isn't even good, but there is something that makes it bad. The word clown. Think about it. Is a clown a dark thing? It ruins the mood you're trying very, very hard to set up. |
| sammybby.x 2006-11-07 ch 1, | abuseYou can really tell the emotion in this one. I can relate some of this to my life. Really good. ~Samara~ x3 x3 |
| Guardrail 2006-11-07 ch 1, | abuseTragic imagry, very well written. I like how the first and second stanzas are separated in this piece. It makes it seem like there's more to this than what's written. I like this poem a lot. Great work and keep writing. |