Reviews for Asylum Walls - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Asylum Walls - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Poena Sensus 2008-07-16 ch 3,	abuseplease write more this is really good so far, i liked this story the prose seemed poetic in nature, and i love poetic prose! SO FAR so good i just can not wait for the next chapter this whole thing looks good, it is visual and i can see everything you write "Amazing, Simply Amazing" discribes your story thus far
Poena Sensus 2008-07-16 ch 2,	abuseI have not been on fiction press for a while, I am in the middle of making a short film and I have been doing nothing but that, soon enough I will submit the script and have people review but for now I want to review your story. -this is great; I like how you changed your style of writing to show the soldier’s side, it was a very effective strategy. I can not wait to see where this is going.
Poena Sensus 2008-06-11 ch 1,	abuseso far i love the concept, the story of an inmate told through those that once lived in his cell...that has the makings of something wonderful. however i would like it if you would use a more poetic writting style. no need to say "the clouds are dark" when you could say "the skies are bruised like nortic women"
kloun doll 2008-06-01 ch 3,	abuseomg, the first chapter scared me, and every chapter has a curious ending 'cause it's like a starting, as if they were different stories but with a conection, it's kinda mysterious.
Amaterasu-chan 2008-05-08 ch 3,	abuseinteresting.. tahnks for reviewing my poem... i think you would like my other story... the amazing life of amaterasu mizatomi its okay... thanks again and great story!! i like the setup Ps its in the manga section
K.R. Maxon 2008-04-18 ch 3,	abuseCaptivating and Unique is a good way to describe this story. I've spent the night searching for interesting things, and this caught my eye. I'm glad it did. I'm awaiting more!
Sythian 2007-08-26 ch 1,	abuseHm, totally black cell? Like the typified sensory deprivation, but using a different color. (Ordinarily, the color of choice would be white). I liked the way you wrote the activity of the character in this part.
DarkBlysse 2007-06-06 ch 1,	abuseOkay, this really intrigues me, especially with the last line. "...and he left himself confined with the room."--It should be 'within' and not 'with.' At one point, you used the word 'tears' a LOT. Try to find synonyms, or just get rid of some of the repititions altogether. The only qualm I really have is that I'd prefer if it were in multiple paragraphs instead of one massive one. I'll be back for the next chapter when I can!
Wolf's Night 2007-04-13 ch 3,	abusereally interesting! Keep going. one question though: "He reached his hand out towards the wall" I though his arms were caught in a jacket? Just a little over sight though nothing big. Can't wait to see what is "amazing."
Doodleflip 2007-02-28 ch 3,	abuseOh I like this! It's a brilliant concept, no doubt about it. The one thing I would say (and I'm not sure if this is just a coincidence, as this is the first piece of your work I've read that isn't poetry) is that your female narrative voice seems weaker and less realistic than the male voices of the anonymous prisoner and the soldier. Obviously, as you are male yourself, that's bound to happen, but it's something to watch, I think. I'm looking forward to the next installment, and great work, well done!
ELKrawzfiar 2007-01-20 ch 3,	abuseI really like your premise. I had wondered if the rhythm and diction of the different stories would be too identical (you are one author), but I'm impressed with the believable difference in tone and content between the two stories already. I do wonder if we'll get any story on the unnamed prisoner, and hope that the stories will be ever more intriguing as you continue. If you'd like to read some of my fiction, I'd appreciate R&R on "A Bittersweet Remembrance." I will gladly reciprocate.
Sakru angelqueen 2007-01-05 ch 2,	abusethis was pretty good and kind of dark. It has a good spooky theme.
Dani P 2007-01-03 ch 2,	abusegreat story so far, its such a fascinating idea, cant wait to see where it leads. keep up the good work.
DarKissD 2006-12-24 ch 2,	abuseAbsolutely beautiful... Simply by looking at my profile, you'll see something rather obvious: I'm drawn to the word 'asylum'. And, woo hoo, I found your story by searching that word. Tsk, I feel rather pathetic now, but either way... Having recently explored a gallery of old asylums, now rotten with decay, it's so easy to imagine the setting, the loneliness, the helplessness one would feel while trapped alone in one of the rooms. As I said... This was utterly marvelous. The first chapter (I'm assuming a prologue?) pulled the reader in and seeped into his or her brain, letting them feel what this person felt, and feel emotions in return, whether pity or otherwise. I felt pity. And a sure sign I'll be continuing to read; I wanted to wipe his tears away. I couldn't stand it. Anyway, please do continue, and I will most definately be following.
Undead Serenade 2006-12-09 ch 2,	abuseThis is better, though, I admit. It has more character in it, and I did feel rather sorry for the 'soldier', good work, no matter how lame "good work" may sound.

Return to Top