Reviews for Demon Lover - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Demon Lover - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Layla-darkest night 2008-03-29 ch 21,	abuseOw, my brain...
Layla-darkest night 2008-03-05 ch 20,	abuseWorst. Cliffhanger. Ever. I'm dying for an update, I really am.
Vester 2007-08-14 ch 1,	abuseUmm... excellent wrtiting. Loved the voice. I'm confused about the randomness of her just being buried but I'm sure you'll explain it later. Great!
lifeisataletoldbyanidiot 2007-05-27 ch 7, anon.	abuseI'm enjoying this, great story! I found the grave scene a tad confusing, but the language quality and plot still make this a great read!
AluminumMuse 2007-04-27 ch 3,	abuseAgain, quite good, but sometimes the action is unclear.
AluminumMuse 2007-04-27 ch 2,	abuseVery strange, rather Steven King ish.
Mass Genocide 2007-04-04 ch 15,	abuseI really like this interlude as well. It really explains things better than if you didn't have them in. But I think that if her mother's dating doesn't have anything to do with the plot then you shouldn't add it in. However, I am a critic and this is what I do. For the most part this is a really good story though, keep it up! Mass Genocide
Mass Genocide 2007-04-03 ch 14,	abuseO... More mystery... But I guess this is the end so see ya!
Mass Genocide 2007-04-03 ch 13,	abuseWell, I'm going to finish reading this just because it's reading material and I'm deprived, but I would seriously consider re-writing it... It's a good plot, but I think it would do better elongated...
Mass Genocide 2007-04-03 ch 4,	abuseWow... I kinda imagined the guard being older... So I guess the artist and the guard and Elutha are the same age and there will be romantic tension... Huh... It's cliche, but I do it all of the time; it's a great story line...
Mass Genocide 2007-04-03 ch 2,	abuse2nd chapter doesn't make much sense concerning the grave part and I think you should stretch out the details a little, it's going kinda too fast... But it's a really good plotline so don't you give up!
Mass Genocide 2007-04-03 ch 1,	abuseA short chapter... So far it's good, but it went a little fast and the begining was kinda confusing, other than that, it's really good. Keep up the good work.
Laeden 2007-03-20 ch 2,	abuseI like the narrating voice in this story. Although I'd like to see more details about the surroundings, the smells, the sights, the textures, etc. Include the senses into your story and it will really help the reader get a better picture of the circumstances and the feelng. Also, I noticed a few grammer mistakes. You have a hyphen where a dash should be. I'm sure you intended to do a dash instead of a hypthen, but just mabye it was a typo or you didn't know how to make a dash. Preceding "no ceremony about it" you have a hyphen. "hole-no ceremony about it." Although it should be two hypthens. "hole--not ceremony about it." This may seem contemptuous, but it's important, because if your reader is someone who reads a lot, they'll be confused (I was at first) because a hypthen actually separates the same word, and a dash can separate two clauses in a sentence. So you just simply need to add another hypthen. Overall it's a good casual narrative voice, and I think if you added some more detail you'd have a really killer piece on your hands. Good job, ~Laeden
OrientalFlower 2007-03-16 ch 2,	abuseElutha is a great name. The first lines of Chapter 2 made me shiver - whenever I think about being buried alive it makes me feel horrible. Great story, I'm off to read more.
Nosfe R. Atu 2007-01-26 ch 6, anon.	abuseThis is really confusing, but really good. I realize that she is in a coma, but while she is in a coma...is she dreaming all of this? But, this is really good. But I think that you should add a little more. I also think that maybe you should try and publish it. When I read a book, or a story, I KNOW whether it is a good story or not. I have my own library at home, and I know that I love books. So, I can always tell. Good Luck writing!

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