After I think about this a while, I like it. It adresses the problem (drinking, I think, complicating a relasionship) with what is appropriate to it--chaos, chaotic imagery.

The rhythm is nowhere near perfect, and you bounce around through lots of concepts--the repititon and possible religious imagery in the part about the house, to a more personal problem and to the cliché "the old you who loved me".

Emotion, possibly unusual, comes out through this poem.

I'm not sure why the horses are headless. The image of the lips when put with them is very surreal, which moves into the domestic, angsty, "The car broke down/Your mother is sick/You love me/You hate me" in another ugly/beauty justaposition...before the chaos. Hmm. Nice, in a way, but I don't think you do it on purpose so watch that the rhythm doesn't fling the reader around.

This is a frank pleading to someone that has a problem for sure. I like it because of the sad imagery. I'm battling my own old problem right now and it's not easy I can tell you that, but for now I'm okay. Nice title and good visuals. They say love can conquer all- not sure who 'they' are- but I'm still sure it's true.
Don't know if I'd change anything with this 'cause it's so damned good!

hellbentheretic

like i said before, PETA would rape you for what you say in the last lines, and i, subsquentally, love you all the more.

i find it ironic and lovely that you can write the opposite of what you feel. knowing this throws such a spin on everything i read by you. it's certainly unique. ;P