I really like this collection of flash fiction. You have very beautiful writing, and some of your images are quite striking, like at the end of the fourth one with that mention of a rising bruise. I get a very strong feeling of hurt in these snippets as well, and I think the tone does well in reflecting the content. Though the dialogue is minimal, I'm able to get a strong hold on the relationship between the narrator and her mother.

I also like how these entries are extremely personal; they make me think of something I might find in a personal journal. And even though each of these chapters are only a couple hundred words long, I think you do a wonderful job addressing your theme and content in such a limited amount of space. Your prose is very clean and to-the-point, and you're also able to skillfully get across a certain message without sounding didactic or being too vague/ambiguous. For example, I'm able to understand that this narrator may be a lesbian (or confused about her sexual orientation) because of how she thinks about men and how she views the couple she sees on the beach, as opposed to you just coming out and having her say it.

I've heard that what you *don't* say in writing is just as important as what you *do* say, and I think you have a wonderful balance of show vs tell, to where I'm learning about this character without it feeling like an info-dump. Great job, and thanks for the read. :)

Again this just didn't really tie into the other chapters. I might work on tying it in somehow either to at least the last chapter or some general ideas like how you brought up window time in the last chapter.

I also didn't get the part of your body being an embarrassment to your mother. In an earlier chapter you said that she thought you were beautiful. That seemed a bit contradictory.

I liked the taking the picture line. It does add to the narrator's character as does her insecurity in the second paragraph. Nice job.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (link in my profile)!

"They’re as cold as window time, as cold as my mother’s gaze, they will use you, they won’t hesitate."... that seemed like a bit of a runon to me. Maybe a semi-colon or a period would help?

The transition from the last chapter to this one was odd. All of the sudden the mother isn't there and we're talking about men?

I did like this though, the similie sin the second paragraph and first line worked well to connect it to the other chapters. I also liked the ideas in that paragraph. They are sadly very true. I also liked the part about the president, very funny.

I love that last line. The simile there was very powerful and perfect.

In the third paragraph I didn't really like the last line. I felt like the reader pretty much could tell that you had never written a poem or painted before by how you said the first part. Spelling it out was just a tad unnecessary I thought.

Unlike the one before this, it didn't really connect. The first two paragraphs went together, but then you went to the friends and then to the hopelessness without any real connection.

Still, it's really great. It gives the reader more insight into the relationship and it also definitely leaves them wanting to read more.

I really liked your descriptions in the first stanza. Especially "the snow that was really chipped ice, swirling around in the wind" that was such a unique way to describe snow, which is hard to do since snow has been described so often in writing.

The subject with the mother and the daughter was really great. It gives the reader a glimpse of the mother's personality and their relationship, but also leaves some interpertation up to the reader. The title was really great as well.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (link in my profile)!

Your work is always original and fantastically intriguing to me. Very nice work here, it's perhaps one of the most artistically and personally interesting short stories/prose pieces I have seen in quite some time. No critique, only applause. Well done, well done!

oh, that last line is enormous.

Gosh! What a twisted mind set! The shocking thing is that there are actually people like this girl. I can totally agree with her point about the men thing (though I wouldn't go so far as to say I don't like men, there are some good ones out there...somewhere...) but anyway, I really, really like this. Want to know more about these two women. Update soon!

well told... i love the character you've given the main person, even if she only spoke for a few lines.

i like how mysterious this is. i can't figure out one thing without finding ten more secrets. beautiful.

This is so tragic and sad. It's such a strange instance in the moment of a person's life, but it's something that holds this humanity, with the mother being so dellusional as to think that beauty can solve the world's problems, and the daughter realizing that it can't. The only dialogue you have in this is strong and perfect for the situation - you don't need anymore dialogue than what you have. Gorgeous little piece of prose. Keep writing! :)

Very much like a narrative. Was this supposed to be part of another larger tale because you could do it that way, but it does stand on its own because you make the point that these two have been wronged- by who's intent or design, real or imagined. The main character hates the beauty that her mother finds so appealing. I wish you had a little more for me to go on here. Why does the mother say that they belong this way. It is still rather ambigious, but that is alright you still get quite a bit of info across to the reader. I wonder if it's what you wanted.

hellbentheretic

"“Sometimes people go crazy in weather like this,” she said. “They lock themselves up and listen to the voices in their heads.”" i adore that line. you probably will never know how much.

beauty will save the world. how ironic. loved this. nice piece.

I really liked this. It's reminds me of Snow White in a way; the frigidness.