 BlackestOpal 2008-05-26 . chapter 1I clicked on this because it sounded like a song by the Shins called Your Algebra.
I loved the poem. It has great imagery and I adore the way that it flows together, it feels almost rushed.
For some reason I had trouble taking it in. I had to read it twice because I just sort of got lost in it and began to read the words without really thinking about them. I think it might have been the style that you wrote it in.
It's an amazing poem.
"were sweet on this quiet-eyed girl who
you would peddle home to lay in bed with
and hold your fingertips against
hoping I might grow into you and your pale skin."
I loved that. ^_^ |
 simpleplan13 2008-03-04 . chapter 1you breath your confessions into my skin until... breathe
I like how you attach the cathedral and confessions and sins... and the image of a person as a sin balloon was really interesting
I also like how you continue with the being as one thing by saying "our mouth and our tongue"
The ending is really interesting as well... the bicycle image and how you wanted to grow into him... that was another really awesome image...
I really love this piece... I think my favorite part though is actually the title... how its not in the piece but the idea of you becoming one is algebra.. it was really creative
The only two suggestions I have are it felt like it could use a little more punctuations... some commas here and there and also the line "isn't anymore" and the line about the sun seemed to be too short and long respectively with the rest of the piece.. still it's a really beautiful piece |
 Haveri 2008-03-04 . chapter 1 Beautiful! |
 Imalefty 2007-11-13 . chapter 1i like the beginning - cathedral, confessions, and sin... :) it's really subtle, but also not at the same time. :)
i like how the whole thing is two sentences. i don't know why i like it that way... maybe because it flows into itself.
hmm... one thing i don't like... i don't really have anything i don't like. basically, i like it. :) it's nice and simple. good job!
-Lefty |
 XxFallenxX 2007-11-04 . chapter 1 Oh that's really good. I love the metaphor of the cathedral and the sins. |
 Twilight Starr 2007-10-20 . chapter 1"the sun ate our words"--great line.
Well worded poem.
Good job!
~Twilight Starr~ |
 bittersweet.season 2007-02-08 . chapter 1you have really nice low. it makes me want to rush into the next line. fabulous. |
 generically beautiful 2007-01-26 . chapter 1your writing style is amazingly unique. i don't think i've ever read anything quite like this. beautiful.
~christine |
 Prevaricate 2006-11-26 . chapter 1just perfect. solidly perfect. |
 MizSphinx 2006-11-18 . chapter 1This was (I can't say beautiful, I can't say gorgeous because everybody else has taken those words) absolute fantabeautifulous. I know it's an odd word but it's the depth to how I enjoyed this poem. It's very original and different from the others. I'm kinda tired of flowers and birds and seas, lol. Keep up the good work! *clicks* FAVOURITES! |
 no.peace.los.angeles 2006-11-16 . chapter 1OMG, that is one of the most gorgeous pieces of poetry I have seen in a long time. This poem defines poetry. It really truly does. Every line is just breathtaking in its originality and the images are astounding and I am just awestruck by this poem. It is gorgeous and going on my favorites. Beautiful. Keep writing! :) |
 False Religion 2006-11-14 . chapter 1 This was...stunning. It makes me a little dizzy with how good it is. I kind of want to live in it. |
 checkerboxed 2006-11-13 . chapter 1i really love this. I think it's because the words are put together beautifully, and they evoke an image which is so innocent and sinful at the same time... i dont know. I think it's a beautiful poem. Thank you for writing it...
cboxed |
 crusoeing 2006-11-13 . chapter 1This is sweet. I like the way you make it all seem so innocent by the who cathedral thing. |
 smile persephone 2006-11-13 . chapter 1This is beautiful. Everything fits in this poem; there's nothing out of place. "I live for hours as a cathedral when
you breath your confessions into my skin" - Such a powerful statement. Wonderfully done. |