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| a bitter kiss. 2008-04-11 ch 1,  | abuseUsually, I don't like stories where the heroine starts listing out the main guy's physical appearance - but I'm excusing that for this. There were some run ons, but I love stories with people meeting on buses, trains, etc. It leaves a bit of 'fate' in them sitting with each other. My, nearly 2 years since you've written this, and I only stumbled upon it now. Perhaps it's 'fate' that I saw it and reviewed? Hahahaha! Good story. :) |
| Written 2008-02-26 ch 1, | abusevery short, but very sweet :) I like it! You could try lengthening it, but it works as is. |
| GrannyP 2008-01-23 ch 1, | abuseI absolutely adore stories where people meet on buses! Maybe it's because one of my best friends was met on the bus... he was the ONLY person who actually spoke to me (the new girl) on the ride to school. It was quite a Forrest Gump moment, actually, but I digress. Anyway, cute story. There were a few sentences that ran a bit long, which made them hard to read. The ones starting out as: 1. Like I was supposed to have known what he’d asked me... 2. “It’s just…my dad…last Christmas he got drunk... 3. Dan started to move away from me, but he didn’t go far,... were the ones hardest to follow. Maybe those could be broken up a little bit. But still cute. And I really like the last line! |
| J.E.Wyatt 2007-07-10 ch 1, | abuseaw this was so sweet. I've always tried to write a one-shot, and could never manage it...I guess I'm more of a long long fiction writer. Anyways, I envy you. Hope you write more |
| Matet 2006-11-15 ch 1, | abusecute ending. XD |
| unconnected14 2006-11-15 ch 1, | abuseAw. How cute. I loved it. |
| Sally Can Wait 2006-11-15 ch 1, | abuseAw :) So cute! I really liked it. You might want to make it longer, though. Have more description. It all happened so fast! I totally would have read all of it, too, even if it was longer. But anyway, I liked it a lot. I actually first clicked on it because I just posted a Christmas one-shot myself! But I'm totally glad I did. Keep it up. :) -Sally Can Wait |