I thought it was brilliant. It dragged me into it, made me interested.
I think you should continue it, i love what you've come up with.
I'd definatley read more if you update it. :D

Frankly, the writing was childish, and it needs a lot of cleaning up. Which is strange, because the overall idea and plot were superb. With the setup of the story, you could potentially have interesting and intriguing characters. Personally, if you spent as much time writing the story, as you did planning for it, you could have a great story on your hands. Keep working and honing your skills as a writer and good luck finishing this story.