I'm certainly glad that you can write better now, because this has some huge grammar mistakes! One that particularly bothered me, while not strictly grammar-related, was the phrase "wearing the most expensive dress from an expensive dress place." The redundant vagueness is quite grating, and it makes the story sound rather immature-- which, I understand, it is!
I did, however, like the end. It was very random and creepy and foreshadowing, and it made the story worthwhile. If you had continued it I wouldn't have liked it nearly so much, but it's the events that you barely notice that are the most interesting, and I like how you've captured that. Good job!
I look forward to seeing some of your more recent writing!
--Yna, from the Review Marathon (see the link in my profile!)