 tonight we bloom 2009-07-21 . chapter 1I love the way you use words in creative and beautiful ways. The title was absolutely splended.
I loved this piece. |
 Ernest Bloom 2009-02-06 . chapter 1this one's kinda old now & i wonder how your
perspective's maybe changed, but you sed in
the a/n: 'Some mornings I really do wake up
with the residue of poetry in my mouth, and
I have to struggle the rest of the day to
simultaneously hold on to that taste and to
not lose my hold on mechanical reality.' and
i thought rimbaud would have argued in his
youth that permanently losing hold on mechanical
reality was absolutely essential to creating
something we might arrogantly (or not?) name
true poetry. otoh, look what happened to a.r. |
 Chandra-Moon 2006-12-20 . chapter 1This was a very nice piece, with wonderful imagery. I loved the title. Actually, I think my favorite part of the whole piece was your Author's Note. It said what you wanted to say as vividly as the poem did, and much more concisely. I thought the piece was a bit too wordy and flowery.
I can definately sympathsize with waking up with poetry in your mouth. What a beautiful idea. Keep writing! |
 La Vida 2006-12-08 . chapter 1Sounds very good.
And I am so glad you used the word "Autumn" instead of "Fall". I hate Fall. |
 Violet Marx 2006-11-27 . chapter 1Wow. I'm actually able to critique one or two things.
"Pulled on two boots
and walked."
It's really short and a little out of place. Everything else is kind of floaty/dreamy and this is really plain and not descriptive. It doesn't really go.
"All that's left are lipstick stains"
"Lipstick" Mm. It sounds just slightly out of place. I myself used it in a poem once and that was my least favorite part of the poem. But really, it doesn't sound bad at all. It's just one of my little prefrences.
I love how you just find all these different names for different types of clouds, and all that personification with them. I also love the idea of awakening with poetry in your mouth and the sillhouettes of leaves ironed onto the sidewalks. I also like a whole ton of other stuff there. >.>
Great job! ~Violet |
 poet tree 2006-11-26 . chapter 1Your imagery and vocabulary are just amazing. Good job. |
 darknessblooms 2006-11-18 . chapter 1Pretty much said what I've been thinking. I love the imprints the leaves leave behind on the sidewalks too. It's beautiful like nature's own gigantic canvas.
Great imagery and word choices. Well done. |