FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Frore 2007-01-21 ch 1,  | abuseIntriguing! What it is... It does not matter what it is. THIS is a poem, and it is very nicely put together. |
| multiples of six 2006-12-10 ch 1, | abuseLovely. I didn't even notice it was in the song category until after I read it, but I could still tell it was a song. It just has that quality about it. Very touching, and the last stanza in particular is thought-provoking. Nicely done! |
| WickedSilence 2006-12-08 ch 1, | abuseI like it. I like how the repetition reinforces the progression of the song and even aides in the story's telling. It also makes me sad, for the repeated phrases tend to remind me of ripples in a pond. Forlorn. Deserted. These are good lyrics. Keep up the good work! |
| ossining 2006-12-05 ch 1, | abuseInteresting. I really love the line "with july in his lungs." That is gorgeous and original. Beautiful. Keep writing! :) |
| FunkyFlower17 2006-12-03 ch 1, | abusemaybe it'd flow better if i actually heard it :/ keep writing and thx for ur reviews ;) ~mez~ |
| Sorrowful Dreams 2006-12-03 ch 1, | abusethis is simple yet I love it. I like the last stanza the best |
| teh tarik 2006-12-02 ch 1, anon. | abusesuch a lovely singsong rhythm. |
| breezy nostrils 2006-11-30 ch 1, anon. | abusei like this song. nice repetition and the line w/july in his lungs. beautiful! |
| Nobody-n-Particular 2006-11-25 ch 1, | abuseNice use of repetition. |
| summerbee 2006-11-21 ch 1, | abusevery musical, the kind of lines that stick in your head. i like- 'with july in his lungs/he drowned/what it was/what it was' pretty. |
| lackluster 2006-11-21 ch 1, | abusei'm a sucker for you songs-poems. that's just it. it's making me dizzy; the good kind of dizzy. |
| EnigmaticArsenic 2006-11-20 ch 1, | abuseso... what is *it*? *kicks stupid dead alert thingie* feels kinda sad though... or maybe that's just me. |
| burning in effigy 2006-11-19 ch 1, | abuseohh.. very interesting, liked the way you wrote this, a little obscure "with july in his lungs/he drowned/what it was, what it was."-- loved that excellent job! |