Reviews for Tranquility - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Tranquility

elisefey 2007-12-13 ch 4,	abuseSo sorry! Meant to read and review this chapter ages ago but was so busy and yeah... [full and milky white in its pale glory] - lovely. [“Bet it was a lot colder when you had to sleep outside all night, right?” David remarked as he spread the extra blanket over Jake’s pallet.] - I like that David is so bright and observant and that you are able to convey that with a small comment like this one. [“That’s right! You’d be lonely without me, wouldn’t you?”] - So sweet! [“I forgot to say my prayers,” he hissed at his newfound friend. “Mistress Vine always reminds me to say them.”] - Maybe I’m weird, but the innocence of this moment is downright beautiful. Your narrative voice for this story is so smooth and mature. I love it. And I don’t think you need to feel like this is a filler chapter just because the plot is developing more slowly than you’re used to; you’re letting the character growth and narrative voice move the story along at a very natural pace that is just as engaging as something that has more “action” in it. There’s something about this story that is both soothing and tense, the best tension being between the innocence and peace that David represents and the mysterious and apparently violent past that Jake is trying to forget. You wouldn’t be able to achieve this lovely, emotionally moving tension if you didn’t let the pacing drive itself so naturally. I think it’s great!
you'll see 2007-05-19 ch 3,	abuseEh, I'm taking a wild guess that the song worked for "Jake" because it's a spell and magic is part of what he's running away from. If so, how did Uncle Peter learn it? I like the way this is written and the setting.
elisefey 2007-01-29 ch 3,	abuseAww! You right to call this your cute fic, it's so sweet the way David picks a name for the stranger! Anyway, I love David even though he sometimes reminds me more of my 8-yr-old cousin than a ten year old boy. But maybe that's why I love him. :) The moment when Jake sings the song is so lovely and at the same time that it brought the chapter to a good close, it also opened another mystery about Jake that keeps me wanting more. This chapter was definitely satisfying. I am proud of you! XD
Cass Boothe 2007-01-23 ch 3,	abuseI like it, I'm glad you decided to go somewhere with this one.
elisefey 2007-01-17 ch 2,	abuseDavid is so cute. He immediately endeared himself to me and I love how he unwittingly wins over the stranger. Their interaction is so perfect with the way David's innocent words have such a strong impact on the newcomer. It's short, but there's no law saying a chapter has to be long and it feels like you ended this chapter at the right spot. Looking forward to the next update!!
elisefey 2006-11-27 ch 1,	abuseA nice beginning to a story. Your word choices are good and the narrative voice is strong. I was engaged by it. I like the texture/mood you've created. It's smooth with an underlying current of anticipation and even a little dread; like you are setting up the peace to be shattered either by external forces following this stranger, or by internal emotional turmoil. Definitely an excellent starting point should you choose to continue.
Cass Boothe 2006-11-19 ch 1,	abuseI like the style. I think you could do a lot with this if you choose to, and I kind of hope that you will.
Forever Forbidden 2006-11-19 ch 1,	abuseI liked the pacifying picture this provided. It would be interesting as a long story. -Helen

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