Reviews for Strip of Scarlet String

Reviews For: Strip of Scarlet String

Tay Tay 2008-01-04 ch 5,	You have a way with words that simply makes me jealous. I could never create characters as easily as you seem to...I loved Noden to pieces, as well as the way you described the suuroundings. Words such as "waxy" really drew the pictures in my mind for me. I'm sad that she's going to kill herself...It does seem that a lot of your stories have terribly dark twists to them, from what I've seen. But all of them, each and every one, have something uniquely beautiful about them that makes my heart glow. I get into your stories very easily, and I'm definately waiting for the end of this one.
Justin Valentine 2006-12-23 ch 5,	Hrm. I like what I've read so far. I'll have to check out the rest when I'm not about to fall asleep (it's 1 in the morning over here and on the rebound from a bad hangover x.x), but what I see so far is very concise, to the point stuff. Your characters have a balance between realistic everyday chemistry and that more fantastical type of approach, and I thought it meshed rather well in fitting with the setting. I think perhaps the chapters are maybe a bit -too- short thus far (particularly early on, really), but since it seems they've been getting longer as the story's progressed, I don't think it's that big of a deal. A rare grammatical error or two aside as well, and overall this is a solid piece.
Raja Fasheh(a.k.a. idiot) 2006-12-01 ch 1,	hey helen, it was very descriptive like the other one but it made no sense. The story was a guy goes in to get furniture for his wife and yet he leaves with a date for his son! I'm not trying to be mean but i prefer the other story u showed me in class
Irony Illuminator 2006-11-30 ch 5,	Sorry it took me so long to read this for you. I've been busy with schoolwork. Okay, for starters, I think it's amazing. You really have a very distinct style to your writing; it flows very nicely. I'd say you've definitely mastered eloquency. There was one little thing in the first chapter that I noticed; it's really of no consequence, so you don't have to change it if you don't want to. Ah...oh yeah. When you're talking about Mr. Maximus Ryce, sometimes you refer to him as "Mr. Max," and sometimes as "Mr. Ryce." This could just be me, but that seemed a bit confusing. I would suggest sticking to one or the other, or if you like using both his first and last name, take the title off his first name and call him just Max or Maximus. Anyway, it's really great, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter! -Irony Illuminator
Chaloux 2006-11-28 ch 5,	very nice. i love the frame story. do you plan on returning to this story? or any others? wonderful idea. very refreshing. don't take forever to update
Chaloux 2006-11-28 ch 4,	i'm 17. oh- and also i am very thankful for the way you rearranged the first chapter into three. it works much better now. chapter four is very good. it's beleivable, descriptive, and entertaining. it's very long. you spend alot of time concentrating on the characters' feelings. i like it, it adds to the story, but the reading is slow. i really like your writing style. it's developing nicely already. the first (three) chapters were missing alot of the smoother qualities that you have achieved in this chapter. the writing is overall more refined. very nice.
Chaloux 2006-11-26 ch 1,	well. let me first start off by saying that i'd like to give you a very honest review. it started off slow. the metaphor abut the ripples is well written for the most part, but it's barely relevant and it's heavy to read in the beginning. the flashback didn't confuse me, but i think the presentation is awkward, perhaps starting the story off with the meeting of the two fathers, and the integration of your opening metaphor while introducing the two children characters. i realize it's probably intentional, but the dialogue dosen't fit. these kids are very young to be speaking as adults. i understand the level of sophistocation you're trying to reach, but to me it just sounds grown-up. feel free to be less descriptive, i know when i write the biggest thing is cutting out pieces of the story that don't really need to be there. even if they're well written- all added up it starts to drag along. i really like the addition of the mud puddle. the imagery is very nice, you could fine tune it if you wanted. i like how you wipe away all of their apprehension by a subtle eventthat brings them both to the same level of appreciation for the situation. the whole thing alings the characters, and the reader with the characters very well. the end of the chapter leaves part of me wondering what's going to happen next, another part of me wonders what the story would be like if it was concluded right now. i'm not afraid of short stories. i hope you're not. keep writing, this is definitely worth working on. remember to keep light on your words. try not to use two or three adjectives or adverbs in a row unless you're writing a mosaic paragraph. read it to yourself outloud before you sumbit it, and pay attention to the way the words sound and flow. let me know when you update, if you have AIM my screenname is: yea its all good. if you're not online just drop me an e-mail or something. i don't go on fictionpress too often but i'll keep giving you feedback on this story if you want me to. -keith
Amanda Sky 2006-11-26 ch 1,	Wow. I admit, I'm totally intrigued by this first chapter. I hope there're more coming up soon. I think you did a very good job establishing the characters here, because I really got a feel of Noden and Ember and their fathers even though it is only the first chapter. Noden seems so darn nice though, in that flashback and it's so sad that I know Ember is actually dead in present-day time in the story. I especially like this line "'But for now,' he shushed her, 'let’s go explore yours.'" Very cute and charming and intriguing.
yv 2006-11-20 ch 1,	looks promising! would like to see more

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