 Deprecor 2007-01-17 . chapter 1The switches between view points confused me a lot. The names not in bold on their own line did as well. Perhaps consider writing it from one person's point of view to let the emotions be better relayed? You might also want to consider breaking up the dialogue a bit by starting a new paragraph with each speaker.
Other than that it was a captivating plot and nice writing. I enjoyed reading it. |