Reviews for Excuse - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Excuse

no.peace.los.angeles 2007-01-15 ch 1,	I love the tone of this piece. It's very funny without being overdone. The description of your "Nana" (very nice, gives her familiarity) was excellent. "Pre-death" is interesting. But the best part is definitely the last two lines, with that declarative sentence that's like, yeah, not turned on when I see my grandma's face. Classic. Keep writing! :)
simpleplan13 2007-01-11 ch 1,	this is funny... i like it
Sarah-Brighteyes 2006-12-10 ch 1,	Hahahahaha This was hilarious actually to me. I could see this. A fiddler on the roof dream before doing something you will regret. A warning, a prophecy, or just an excuse to get out of a relationship. I loved it. I love the way you can see the "pre-death, heavy with wrinkles, swathed in her floral nightgown." Great imagery here. Great piece. I am glad I came back to reviewing and came back to this Beti. Write on.
hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-12-02 ch 1,	Hey Beti, it's been awhile! Alright, first things first, I agree with TBN about the title. To me, it kind of cheapens this piece. From the poem itself, it seems as though the character truly cares about her Nana, and would hate to disappoint her. The title, however, makes it sound as though this is less about the grandmother than it is about the character herself, searching for something, anything, that would get her out of this. Maybe that's the point -- but I don't think so; not when the grandmother is so delicately, lovingly portrayed. "my Nana", "swathed in her floral nightgown", "the dampening of her eyes", etc. I guess I don't understand the correlation of the title to the subject of the piece. The former is too caustic to blend with the tenderness of Nana's image. I don't think this character would call her Nana's high morals an "excuse". Of course, I didn't write the character -- so, you may feel free to ignore my comments, but I thought I'd say 'em anyway :D This piece is interesting.. it seems as though this girl was inherently uncomfortable with what they were doing, despite her attraction to him, because it wasn't how she had been raised and there was a part of her that just didn't believe this was the way it should be. This was manifested in the mental image of her Nana, scolding and deeply disappointed. The interesting thing is that it was powerful enough for her not only to resist the moment, but to tell him it wasn't going to happen again -- e.g. "we should still be friends and all". Beti, girl, you need to post more often, you really do. I still have some of your poems to catch up on as well, and I'll do that asap. Take care, ok? And keep writing!
The Breakdancing Ninja 2006-11-26 ch 1,	I think the only part of this poem I would edit is the title. Titles don't make the poem, but they are considerably what the author finds as the apex, the highlight; the title provides context for reading a poem, and from what angle we might see it. I saw "reason" more than I saw "excuse". I don't know if it's an empathic thing to say that, but generally, when we think of loved ones right before something mind-bending or big, that's usually a sign that we care about them. And, let's just say, hypothetically, that this one character tells the guy in her car: "Look, I can't do this." And he asks: "Why?" and she says, "Well, you know, I thought of my grandmother, and what she might think if I were to do this..." That's a whole different thing from: "Um, your breath smells." or "I don't have a condom" or even "Gawd, I think the moon's too bright or something--gotta go!" I find those as excuses--maybe not viable ones, but they're excuses. A reason is much more considerate and thoughtful. Unless the poem means to suggest that being reminded of grandma is just a way of getting out of it--then again, it would be written in a format like: "I thought of how I might look to my best friend/If I told her I slept with someone/In the backseat of his camero/And so I told him: "If my grandmother saw me right now,/she would have a fit!" Then I would see a more excuse-like excuse to put "Excuse" as the title. Is that too anal? As for the imagery--if this were happening at night, and the mother appears in a night gown, she passes off more as an apparition, which adds a haunting effect. I think if one were to remember his or her grandmother, in thought, it would probably be in the dress he or she found impressionable. I don't think I explained that well enough. If it doesn't make any sense, just e-mail me. I don't think I have the right words for that. XD;; ... In ANY case. You -go-, girl. rofl I seriously have to catch up with the rest of these. I miss reading them. I think I've matured a little more, so I could provide more insight than I used to, but as a result, I don't have the same jurisdiction to edit any of the work as strongly as I used to. I've built a sort of tolerance for the way things are written, even in imperfection. Unless there is a jump in logic, something needs more clarity, or I am -sure- there are words that can convey the tone/meaning much more effectively. But I can't do aesthetic editing anymore. I don't know why. I feel like a ghost has just shuttered out of me, for some reason. Maybe the haze I've been under has been lifted. I'm glad I still have you on alert--or I wouldn't have seen this one coming. I'm glad you still post. Rock on, Beti!
lackluster 2006-11-21 ch 1,	ok, wow. this is great. you had me interested at every single word and i mean that. it's a light-hearted poem but i like it.

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