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| The Warrior Poet 2007-12-07 ch 1,  | abuseIntriguing. It starts out Tolkienesque, with the five crystals that sound similar to the Silmarils. Then, we are introduced to the injured character who is pushed in a stretcher by a first aid team, both terms seeming to indicate a technology and sophistication not usually found in medieval-style fantases, so the reader is left to assume that perhaps this is one of those 'urban fantasies' that are gaining popularity. Later on we see the young boy carving an elf, elves being obvious mainstays in the aforementioned medieval-style fantasies, which indication would steer us away from the urban fantasy formula. Then, we learn that the boy attends a high school, sending us once more back to the urban-style. Like I said, intriguing. Very original and very well-written. A real mold breaker. |
| Anthony G. Cirilla 2007-10-11 ch 1, | abuseThis was really good! The spooky forward really got my attention, and the two possible protagonists are developed well. You don't try and establish their characters; you just work with them, assume them, and it works very well in making them believable. I like Tammary a lot. I'm curious to know about this whole sword-play business, cheating, etc. And Khaivan seems like my kind of guy. I noticed only one mistake, where you put "thirst" when you meant "thirsty," at the end of the paragraph about plowder, I think. By the way, I really love the names. In a lot of fantasy world type things I read of peers, the fantasy names . . . how shall we say . . . suck? But your names are authentic, and as far as I can tell very original. They feel exotic, but not ridiculously so. I like your writing style very much in this piece. Well done. Update, por favor? |