|Reviews for Truth of Witch|
| Mutt Winchester 7/22/08 . chapter 3
Good chapter as always. Hope to read more. Thanks for betaing my stories. The least I can do is to review yours.
Salima Master of Darkness
| DizzySpotChild 3/19/07 . chapter 1
I like the concept of this story and I would love to see more of it. I liked the first chapter and felt like it combined action with information pretty well. It also seemed to create a pretty good 'panic, run away' feeling.
The second chapter got kind of drawn-out over describing the lay-out of the house. The reader will probably remember those sorts of details better if they are introduced gradually. What I mean is, as she walks from the kitchen to the library, the writing should focus on where she is - if she's in the hallway and you're describing the staircase, things get confusing.
Other than nit-picky stuff - slap this puppy in Word and read through it slowly! - that's all the advice I have. Good writing! Make more!
| The Ferrett 3/14/07 . chapter 1
Tell him to bugger off. Like your main is going to go for this meetle character, Let all hell loose on him indeed. I like the running scene and I'll be curious to see what happens next.
| myapologiesnolongerinuse 1/20/07 . chapter 1
This is good, an interesting/intriguing topic. A few suggestions though (hopefully you won't take any offense since I don't mean any...)
"Lysandra muttered to herself as she stocked up Brecca Hill that over-looked Eastchester, side-stepping shrubs as she went." It sounds like you're trying to force the setting out instead of making it flow when you put "Brecca Hill that over-looked". Doesn't sound exactly natural to me.
"She knew that her father would not object to anyone who wished to court her but she just wished that she would have a say in the matter but when she’d rise to object Moro would always hush her and rush her..." I think there should be a comma between object and Moro, otherwise it'd be a run-on sentence.
Aside from such nit-picky points, some of the sentences were a bit choppy and could be combined. Perhaps you should also start with the action and not informing the reader about the finer details of the society, which could possibly be inferred or spread out throughout the rest of the story. Just my thoughts, you don't have to listen to any of it.
You've got a great, well-written story started and I can't wait to read more. Love the characters' names.
| O XIII 1/15/07 . chapter 1
Nice story, quite a lot of description in it, which to me is good because then it generates it's own general image rather then me imagine the person as someone who I know. I'd like to see this updated. Big fan of the supernatural here.
P.S. Ron told me to tell you that he sent me, I don't know if that's his name or what not... but yeah...
| La Virgen de la Tortilla 11/25/06 . chapter 1
Too much exposition to capture interest the way it should. Start with the action and intersperse the backstory throughout the narrative in your next draft.
| Catherine the Third 11/25/06 . chapter 1
Very nice. The concept of witchcraft as a forbidden art has always intrigued me in a story, and I do hope you'll update soon. _ You are quite the writer.