FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Aslan Israel 2007-01-25 ch 1,  | abusem and we thought we'd love forever. |
| Anomally 2006-11-29 ch 1, | abuseim not much of a critic, but i liked. |
| crazy dog events 2006-11-29 ch 1, | abuseThe rhythm was off, which is probably an effect of the way this poem was written, but the writing wasn't bad, per se. The longer lines (I'm not sure who wrote what) feel TOO long, and the throw off the flow of the piece. If you went through a bit of an edit/beta process with this, I could really like it. |
| BlueJayWalking 2006-11-29 ch 1, | abuseOoh brilliant. It sounds just like a song; it's so lyrical. I just love the wistfulness in this. The last four lines are marvellous. "and i couldn't help remembering holding hands and conversations while walking down that boulevard in the cold" Gosh. I'd CC if I could, but I can't think of any. Very good work, both of you. Keep writing! |
| cocaine and cherries 2006-11-28 ch 1, | abusethis turned out pretty good. i like the fourth and fifth lines the best, they're very nostalgic, in a way. |