Awesome poem. The word choice was brilliant, and the description phenomenal. Keep writing!

Yeeger

That was cool, but I think I agree with that other guy the end line in brackets just doesnt do it, i think if you took, 'putting the irregularity back in to be.' and gave it its own line, that would be a good end. good piece though.

I LOVE this poem.

These lines are brilliant:

Forget my vitals, this is the surest sign that I’m alive

This, a raging something that couldn’t be.

Congratulations!

Ooh, nice piece. I love the idea of "putting the irregularity back in to be." That is something I have never heard expressed in a poem before, so points for originality. I'm not sure that you need the last line - I don't know why, but it seems like the poem is ended at "you and I..." Does that make sense? I do like the last line a lot, but I don't know if it fits there. But, nice work. I did enjoy this a lot. Keep writing! :)