I'm actually not sure how I found this in the first place. But I bookmarked it and now I'm coming back to it. (: Just the title gets me all excited to read it. (: Heh.

"Santa. A jolly, fat man who somehow warps the laws of physics in order to please millions of children worldwide. It always struck me as strange that no matter how bad you got, you would never actually end up with a rotten tomato, or a lump of coal, or a festering boil on the tip of your left nostril."

Yes, this is rather unfortunate. It'd be nice if some very horrible people came back with that last one. (:

"But no. Even if you somehow managed to accidentally strangle your older sister, or tie your cousin Ted to a chair and made him listen to the entire West Side Story soundtrack, or super glue your brother’s backside to the basement floor and then need to call in the fire department to get him off, you would still somehow end up with something great at the end of the year."

Hahahahah great examples.

"1) He works for the CIA or 2) He works for the mafia. Either way, I do not feel safe."

Here, I almost fell out of my chair.

"also known as those who are considered clinically insane."

I've never met anyone who can draw a perfect circle.

"not the result of some chemical experiment when he was a child, thus making him the immortal fatty, cursed to wander the earth with his reindeer of infinite wisdom and a too-small sack with a somehow endless supply of toys"

Ah this is very funny.

"“he installs a camera in your right eyeball when you’re born so he can monitor your progress throughout your life, honey”."

Oh please no. ):

"The inevitable third thing that scares me about Santa: he’s a pedophile. There is something seriously wrong with an old man who wants children to sit in his lap. The last time I sat in Santa’s lap, I’m pretty sure that I could have filed a sexual harassment suit against him if I’d wanted to. I was ELEVEN."

Awh but he's Santa!

"But it’s only been fifteen years. Surely I’ll be over my fear of Santa when I turn sixteen."

Heh, this ending wasn't quite what I expected. (:

Good stuff. (:

I'm gonna go read other things by you.

Great, humorous piece. I hope you recover from your fear of Santa. Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have an excellent day.

~Twilight Starr~

Um...Do me, Hi, and Tobe need to break your fear of Santa?Because Toby looks ABSOULUTLY ADORIBLE in a santa suit...
Toby: (swats his book at me) Shove off, stalker.
Me: (eyebrow twich, the one pefore a verbal attack) I happen to not be stalking you. TO-BI-AS.(eye twich at full name) I am leading a relativly normal life...YOU, however, are a stalker.You follow me around, demanding me to do good and to not be stupid, (at this point, Im poking his chest.HARD) youre like what, more than 100? Anicent(eye twich, and his anger is rising), and you dont even SMILE!
Toby: WHO'S FAULT IS THAT!?(argument commences)
Hiate: (in a elf costume and eating candy canes) Wow, this is fun to watch.Hey, remind Stringy to make a holiday story for both places, okay? She cant remember how many web pages she's on! (resumes his candy canes, and continues watching me and Tobe duke it out, me with my chocobo army, he with veingel powers)

-String

I'm sure Santa must work for the CIA, not the Mafia. The Mafia doesn't really rely on cameras to know what's going on, they rely on people to watch others. This is inefficient because people can fall asleep on the job, get lazy, etc... The CIA has an extensive use of cameras and technology in general. That's my reasoning for the CIA theory, although I might be wrong. The explanations of things like a camera in your eye at birth and such are pretty funny and must more reasonable than "He just can, dear." By the way, there is a term for nearly every fear in the world, so there must be a real word for a fear of Santa... Ah, here it is. A fear of clowns (sometimes Santa) is called Coulrophobia. The mention of Santa is about halfway to 3/4 of the way down the page.

~Cirien Phoenix

P.S. Thanks for reviewing "Dear Ten Year Old Self." I'm glad you loved it so much. I hoped people would see the goofiness of verbal abuse toward your ten-year old self in the form of a letter traveling through time.

Comically, I can see a kid thinking like that, even if it feels a bit over his/her age to think so deeply about it.. then again, kids are curiouse by nature, so who would blame him/her for wondering the 'how and why' Santa can do the things he does...

I liked the fact that this story could fit from the POV of either a guy or girl, although since I assume you're a girl (bap me with a pillow if I'm wrong xP hehe) then I'm leaning more towards that side.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha very very very funny!

I don't know if you actually are afraid of Santa, and I don't mean to offend, but your explenations, although logical, seem blown out of proportion. I can't really put my finger on it ( I don't want to get the screen dirty), but for some reason, it just makes for a funny story. Have a Merry Christmas. (Santaless, preferably)

NICE! i ador your abilty to randomly exhibit your fears in ways that make others feel uncomfortable... o! BTW i need to meet whoever you introduced me too when we were talking on MSN, you know when you were writing your project... yeah well thanks we need to get together sometime... oh well ttyl

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

P.S. I can't wait for the mistletoe! ^_^ *tee hee*

P.P.S Wait, oh that sounded dirty never mind... um how about i can't wait for my PRESENTS! WOOT WOOT Wii FOREVER AND EVER, SSBB for my brithday! I LOVE MY LIFE

P.P.P.S. the P.S. was not refering to you... who it was refering to however i will leave to your imagination... Toodles

Hahaha, nice!

It actually makes sense...

Very amusing.

:) CD

Hilariously written, my dear! It's going in the favorites list.

"1) He works for the CIA or 2) He works for the mafia. Either way, I do not feel safe."

xD This just completely cracked me up, and made my day.

-Helen