Note to self: spelling error! "call the Cantowin to be" - be = me!

M... well again, not much to add, heh. I didn't catch any of the little things, like sp's and such, so, I guess due to the nature of the chapter, this one seemed like more of a formality. I even wonder if you could skip it... but then again, there's the character development, no? Namely Sha-an, huh? And I suppose Cy too. And maybe even other plot points that I just have not realized, but will come to view as the plot progresses!

Hm.. maybe so, maybe so... considering that the expedition to Cihn was -not- in the previous version... I don't know what to expect! :O Whoosh, lol. Awesome work though, babe. I'm looking forward to more! Hopefully by the time school dies down for the holidays.. then we see more of Cy, yes? *grins hopefully* I, for one, shall quietly hope for more.

Whoosh... that was great, Rej. Especially the closing.. with Krasa. Maybe I have a bit of an edge in having read the previous version, just in how.. it seems cool like that, having an inkling of what's coming and seeing you write it, knowing how it happened before. It's like the remake of a movie of which I saw the original, you know? The remake is modern, current, and might not even exactly follow the plot of the original... but there's definitely commonality between the two.

Frankly.. I don't really have any crits for you, Rej. It was powerful, and like Auroreia said, it flows better too. :D

I shall read on!

Yar. Chapter 12 is thus far my favorite. ^-^ There are things I like and dislike in the newly posted chapters, and I think the action in 12 flows better than in 11. Though you may wanna proof a few paragraphs, there are repeated phrases or words close together.

Why do they keep saying "in two days’ time, today counted among those days" and not, "the day after tomorrow"?

More soon? I want plot movement! Please? I don't like begging.

cool chapter

o...kay then. Wake up, San Fransisco...lol.

Starts off really fast, ends that way. Although the silver chain part is a bit confusing. But I trust you shall explain in the next, not-so-short chappy. Hint, hint. :D

-Me

did something control is by the collar does is belong to someone?? really great fighting scenes i really like these chapters please continue!!

Yay! Sis writes again!

*hides under a blanket* I am not here, I am not here...heh...

Okay, nm. I was gonna ask where the heck the rest of us had gone, but you threw that in there.

Other than that, nice. Very...er...graphic. Not that that's a bad thing, I'm just saying...

-Will

Whoosh! New chapter! Yay! Lol. Awesome stuff, babe. A nice surprise to see this. :)

On with it!

"As she walked, the absently touched each weapon she carried" - should 'the' be 'she'? I'm not sure about what you intended the meaning to be if not... but it looks a little funny.

Wow.. action packed indeed. Just a whirlwind of action, babe, lol. I was wondering what the other three EndalaKry(el?) were doing while Cy was battling the Cantowin on her own like that.. but then you mentioned that they were engaged at the end of the chapter, so I guess they already had their hands full.

One other thing... strictly PP, but your closing line, cliff that it is? 'she waited, unable to shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong about this situation.' I wondered if it might even be stronger if you nixed the 'about this situation'. No problem either way.

Good stuff though, babe. Keep it going. :D

this is really good. very descriptive and the characters are well developed. i was confused up until this chapter about the relationships between certain character -- it was mentioned previously that sar and cy were bonded, by the extent and terms of that bonding weren't explained until this one. alos, the whole EndalaKrỵ / Aerionid thing is still a bit hazy to me. so the EndalaKry are the warriors and i think the aerionid are...healers? i suppose more will be revealed in later chapters so its no big deal :)

great work so far and i can't wait for more. update soon!

You know... as I read this, it's seeming familiar. i do believe ive started reading thise story before.

i specifically remember liking the line, "The depth of a river cannot determine the sharpness of the rocks at the bottom."

alas, very good again.

and i like cy.

i dunno about you, but i'd have a hell of a time running if i had half of my foot chewed off!

hey, man, it's me bakedo no hikage! made a new account. ive decided its time to get back to writing and NOT do the whole write a chapter and drop it thing... figured id start fresh... on a new account :).

this story seems really good so far! back when i talked to you, you didnt have any stories posted, its nice to see your work!

i rather like the very first few paragraphs XD. i found it amusing. ah drunks. i havent read anything with japanese-esque names in a long time! gonna have to get back into the mindset of remembering which crazy name is whos.

very good. i approve. i shall add you to both my favorites, and alert list.

aww...now thats just sad...

You definately humanize her...not that she wasn't already, but it's painfully obvious in this chappy. I likey. :D

...but still. It's sad...

-me

FINALLY. I've been waiting for the update since summer break began. ^-^ I'm glad we finally get some "one-on-one" time with Sar, since his character hasn't been greatly explored in this version as of yet. I like heraing his thoughts on his relationship with Cy, and I think the fact that she allows him close enough to ease her tension (I honestly thought they were about to have sex, at first) speaks volumes of their relationship. More so than words. I like that we learn more about Cy in this chapter, too.

I'm a little confused about what happened to Dej. Did he leave the city? Where'd he go?

And Eric's(I can't remember his new name-a-mabob) right- I never figured out where it said that Sar followed her. I just had to assume he wasn't yelling up three flights of stairs.

Did Sar say "I love you"? I think he did. THat's what my mind is supplying.

I can't remember who Rhuddic is. ^-^; Sorry. Know who everyone else is, though. Guess I'll just have to re-read later and figure it out.

I'm also a little confused. I thought Cy became EndalaKry AFTER the massacre, but I get the impression form this chapter that she was before she left and returned with Blend-in.(THat's actually how I read his name. Oops.) Maybe I just read it wrong, or something, Mistaking the bond Sar thought present with the EndalaKry-Aerionid bond. But it's just me. Heh.

I don't think the line "As proven by Cy's lack of humility previously" is particularly needed.

I like the first paragraph and exhange of dialouge before they move to the stairs.

I can't think of much else...and I've got to go. I'm writing this during my lunch break at work and have run a few minutes over. PEople are gonna start yelling at me soon. ^-^ Write more soon, please? And smack Ice around until she gets up HER Chapter 10. ^-^
Best of luck to our resident writers.

*sighs*

...now how am I supposed to review that? I don't know if I can... maybe the only thing was that I missed when Sar moved from downstairs up to Cy's room.

But... *sigh*. You know I was drawing parallels, love. And seeing as the depicted scene was very, well... familiar, it made the parallels that much more easy to draw, and thus, the scene... that much more potent. Very potent. Mood affecting, love. Just... yeah. What can I say? If I thought I wasn't biased, I'd say that it was excellent, truly excellent, the way you described everything, the way you elaborated on Sar's hidden feelings for Cy (of which I drew parallels, yes), just... how heartbreaking the situation is for Sar, and Cy too, really, when I think about it.

Just.. *sigh*. It's one thing to write the words, quite another to draw emotion into them. And your words had emotion... I've told you before that it takes quite a lot to draw me into a story, and the reason your's have is because I come to care about the characters. And.. you've handily achieved that here.

I love you. Keep writing, k? *smiles*