FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Moondog Dozier 2006-12-07 ch 1,  | abuseThe mystery in this works well to capture the title. Great end line. Well done. |
| Basara 2006-12-07 ch 1, | abusei have a haiku same as yours! lol, I don't mind... great work for your first attempt! nice... |
| Pimpled Boy 2006-12-06 ch 1, | abuseI must applaud your courage to write your very first haiku. Albeit a little blunt ("dangerous to lose"), it truely expresses the power of hope. And given the restrictions of a haiku, it really is a good piece of work. Keep writing. |
| Thenardier 2006-12-06 ch 1, | abuseI loved this as it is blunt and accurate, yet elegantly done. A few suggestions. You could centralise the words and lose the capitalisation when there are no full stops. It'll make it look neater, in my humble opinion ;) Anyways, once again, this was beautifully done. |
| sleeping Pisces 2006-12-06 ch 1, | abuseFirst of all, never let anyone tell you that a haiku is too short. They were designed they way and anybody who tells you different is wrong or ignorant. I thought this was great for a first haiku. It can feel a little strange to write something with so little words and still feel like you have accomplished something; it’s almost like your cheating. However if you stick with it that feeling will fade and hopefully you'll begin to write more and more insightful haiku. Again, good haiku, of course it could use work but that can be said about almost every writer on this webpage. Keep at it. Peace, Daze |
| irenexoxo 2006-12-05 ch 1, | abuseso true. :] |
| EringoBraugh 2006-12-05 ch 1, | abuseKind of short, sometimes its good to write combinations of haikus in the same "story." but yes that's a good description. you say you write more fanfic, which is what a lot of my friends do, but if you are going to do a meaningful haiku, try to do a combo. otherwise again an awesome and very true description of hope |